How Can You Use Your Emotions and Feelings
to Have A Better Relationship with Yourself?
By Jim Kinney

Do you know the difference between thinking from your heart and not your head? Would you like to live your life feeling innocent, trusting and free?  Do you ever find yourself getting uncomfortable expressing certain emotions like anger, hurt or sadness?  Would you like to understand and heal what triggers you to feel that way?

There is so much talk today about how to improve the quality of our relationship with our loved ones, but what about the relationship with ourselves particularly our feelings and emotions? It really comes down to the fact that the quality of our relationship with others is a direct reflection of the quality of our relationship with our own Self.

So, what is the big deal if you have difficulty in expressing some of your feelings or emotions?

When we have difficulty expressing our feelings or emotions, we are in effect, suppressing them. This blocks the natural flow of our life-force energy, which sustains our feelings of connection with Spirit, Higher Self and others. When we block our energy, this allows our fear to creep into our conscious awareness. We feel alone, separate, disconnected or maybe, just plain "lost!" We, then, experience a greater sense of separation and, the more we focus on the sense of separation and the feelings of loss, the more the feelings of fear and pain intensify within us. And, the more we focus on our fear and pain, the more separate and alone we feel, disconnected from ourselves, others and Spirit. Each one is perpetuating the other. It is a downward spiral!

No one wants to feel separate or alone. Feeling alone and disconnected only creates more feelings of loneliness or loss. Suppressing our emotions ‹ intentionally or unintentionally- quickly takes us there. It's important to know that we only need to remember that every feeling and emotion we have, both negative and positive, are all natural human emotions. They just need to be accepted and expressed! The key is, though, we must learn to express our negative emotions (like anger or hurt) in ways that do not harm anyone physically and/or emotionally.

You were taught well!

Can you remember a time when you or someone else experienced anger being expressed without anyone being hurt in the process- either emotionally and/or physically? Probably not!  Most of us experienced just the opposite and someone did get hurt! That hurt may have also translated into loss. Someone got so angry they left. How does that effect us today? Do you live your life afraid that if you get "too" angry, he or she will leave? Is your suppressed anger leaking out in unconscious, hurtful ways like sarcasm, physical illness, depression or addictions?

What about the feelings of sadness or hurt? Can you remember a time when you were little and you ran crying to one of your parents or grandparents telling him or her that you were hurt-ing- physically or emotionally? Were you always comforted or were you taught to be "brave" and "strong" (this probably taught you over time to suppress your feelings of hurt or sadness)?

Many of us have learned from experiences in life that it's not safe to trust and be vulnerable because if we do, we'll get hurt. We walk around saying (consciously or unconsciously), "I will never let anyone get to me or hurt me like that again!" We suppress our feelings and emotions. We want to be "brave" and "strong!" Over time, we may have accumulated such a huge stockpile of feelings and emotions that we fear if we uncork it, the river might never stop flowing. We just "don't want to go there" and we continue to live our life numb- cut off from our own sense of Self, disconnected to others and Spirit!

Can you see how we were all modeled or formed from our own belief that our "negative" emotions and feelings weren't acceptable to others or us? Can you also see how critical it is to accept our "negative" emotions and feelings so that we can increase our awareness of them and speak them? We want to keep our life-force energy flowing!

As human beings, we have anger, hurt and sadness, as much as we have joy, love, excitement and passion! We have the full range of emotions- not just a few of them. Once we accept all our feelings and emotions the positive AND the negative-we are living fully connected to our Self, others and Spirit. We are not holding back! Our life-force energy is flowing freely and we are living life to the fullest. We are no longer chained to the circle of fear and pain. We can feel innocent, trusting and free!

Who are you?

Allowing yourself to experience your emotions provides you with this basic truth: "You can't know who you are until you know who you are not!"

If there is no contrast for comparison, how can we know if we are like that or not? When we bring this truth into our emotional awareness, we realize that we can't know we are love until we know that we are not hate. We won't know that we are joy until we know that we are not sorrow. And, to the level that we can accept our feelings of hate and sorrow is to the extent that we can feel our love and joy! This is true with all our emotions.

I encourage you to try this and see if you begin experiencing more balance in your life. We need to learn to accept the "good" as well as the "bad" (such as we have labeled them) without any judgment and see them as they are- which is neither good nor bad. They are just our emotions. Once we accept all of our feelings and emotions, we can then seek new ways of expressing them appropriately and safely.

We can begin to teach ourselves a different way of being with our emotions from how we have been with them in the past. We are able to use our emotions as our true guides and teachers- keeping us living in the present moment. We no longer have to project our present fear into the future, based on past experiences.

What level of commitment do you think it takes to achieve this?

The answer is a high level of commitment, but the rewards are grand! Wouldn't it feel great to fully connect with your true Self, feeling innocent, trusting and free? This becomes a reality once you allow yourself to feel your emotions and feelings in your physical body and then release them by expressing them appropriately. You are able to stand in the moment feeling the depth of your emotions, such as anger or hurt, without judgment. You have removed all of your mental and emotional blocks. You are fully present to your feelings. This is the moment that you are standing in your true magnificence, connected to your life-force energy, feeling innocent, trusting and free!

It's learning that your emotions are not your enemy! They are not to be feared but only examined and expressed in appropriate ways. This means not turning them on or towards anyone, but expressing them appropriately like using a punching bag or screaming into a pillow or in the car. The goal is to find a way to move the emotional energy out of your body that doesn't harm anyone.

Take a moment right now. Ask yourself, "Am I holding tension anywhere in my body right now?" If so, "Where am I holding it? What is causing this tension? What is the source of this tension? What can I attribute this tension to?"

If you can truly answer these questions within yourself, you are well on your way to a better relationship with yourself and with your feelings and emotions!

Know your truth!

As you increase your awareness of your emotions you become aware that your head has a brain- the intellect, if you will. But your heart has a mind. The heart always speaks the truth. It can never lie. It is directly connected with Spirit and your True Self. The head, with its brain, can think and rationalize you in or out of any situation (and it is really good at it!).

How often do you allow your head to make decisions that are not congruent with your heart? I am sure we all have experienced that at sometime or another. I encourage you to try this exercise in order to know for yourself when you are thinking with your heart or your head.

Sit in a chair or lie down.  Take a few, long, slow breaths to center yourself.  Now, think of something that you love, something simple like a favorite place, a person, color or flower.

Now take that thought and "drop it down" to your heart. Repeat to yourself several times, "I love," while holding your thought. Now, look to see how your body feels inside. Are you calm or restless? Now let that thought go. Take a few deep breaths to re-center yourself again.

Now, take that same thought and "drop it down" to your heart once again. Repeat to yourself several times, "I hate," while holding your thought. Notice how your body feels. Do you feel calm or highly agitated? Compare the difference between how you felt in your body when you heard a truth or a lie. Chances are you felt restless or highly agitated in your body when your head was telling your heart a lie and calm when you heard the truth.

The key here is to know whether or not your heart and head are speaking as one and when your head is lying to your heart! It is not bad to think with your head. It's just important to know when your head is lying to you. So, if you find yourself in a situation where you wonder, "How do I feel about this?" You can use this exercise anytime you are looking for YOUR truth. Your answers lie with feeling and experiencing your emotions!

Jim Kinney is a gifted breath-worker, relationships coach, spiritual healer and a Shamanic Dream-worker. His soul's path is to teach people how to connect with their inner guidance and expand their connection to Spirit so they can experience a deeper level of awareness, commitment and joy. Jim can be reached at (714) 722-1962.

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