Stuck in The Workplace?
. . . Looking for a Change?
By Gene Oliver

When we do not enjoy the results in our life, why is it so difficult to change?  Learning to accept
and embrace change brings vitality into our lives!

What causes us to resist change? Fear is the blockage that causes us to resist change. Fear is the unknown. It is that which we have not yet experienced or do not understand. When we become open and teachable, fear can be transcended. Fearlessness does not mean “fear-no-ness”. It
is “fear-less-ness”. The difficulty with walking through fear is the idea of familiar pain. The pain we are in, however painful, is familiar. The idea of walking through the veil of fear contains the concern that the pain on the other side will be less painful than the pain we already know. There are two attitudes necessary to effectively do battle with these recurring thoughts:
1. Openness to grow.
2. Willingness to learn.

These attitudes are based in faith for we cannot know the unknown. If we are to embrace change, we learn to live in faith rather than fear. Faith is a firm belief in something for which there is no proof. There is a process and stages to be integrated to live in FAITH.

The Process from Fear to Faith has a bridge. That bridge is HOPE, TRUST, and ACTION. To become willing to move into change, we have to see clearly what we have had, and make a
decision that we no longer want it. Remember some of those conditioned behaviors mentioned earlier? Change requires that we unlearn certain ideas and concepts.

The Illusion of Perfection. One idea is the illusion of perfection. Often, fear has a lot to do with simply not having the information and experience. A mystery is a profound secret, wholly unknown, that has not been explained. When does an unread book lose its mystery? It sheds its mystery when the story unfolds and you understand. Change brings a succession of alternative actions and doing something differently. These changes facilitate the unfolding of your own mysteries.

Most of our pain comes from resistance to change. In a changing world, resistance to change brings calamity. Change is not a hurdle to be jumped; it is a process to be experienced. Change requires that we cease being a victim and begins with the personal understanding of three words: dissatisfaction, decision, and action.
a. Dissatisfaction: felt void or need.
b. Decision: fill the void or resolve the need.
c. Action: willfully doing something!

A New Mindset. Our minds and emotions have been conditioned. Anything that can be conditioned can be unconditioned. The statement “I need” is the statement of a conditioned-victim mindset. It is a mental state of scarcity. We can change to a mental state of abundance and choice.

I “want” is a statement of choice.
I “am” is a statement of action.
What do you want in your life? What actions will you take? Life is experienced through a process I call a “FAFA box”: Fears, Attitudes, Feelings and Actions. It functions like a mental screen of our
experiences. We have discussed fear and attitude. Next comes actions and feelings.

There are only two actions we can take in life: we ‘do’ it, or we ‘do not’. Using the word try simply gives us another illusion to procrastinate taking actions. Does a cake try to bake? You are visiting
a friend and there is a wonderful aroma in the house. “Oh! What is that wonderful smell?” you ask. Does your friend reply it is a cake trying to bake? No! “It is a cake baking!”

Even as we understand that our own life is a process, we will not give ourselves the same basic consideration that we would give a cake. Part of the difficulty in change is acknowledging that all our efforts and experiences are part of the process. Because we have not reached an idealized place of perfection does not mean we are not growing and learning.

Where does this lack of acknowledging our process originate? There is that other part of the FAFA box called “feelings”. The inability to understand and experience our feelings is the most “controlling” part of our life experience.

Feelings are those sensory impulses that stimulate the mind and the body. Everyone experiences much the same thing. The intensity of the sensation is directly related to our emotional investment in whatever is at hand. When we attach an attitude to our sensations, we acquire emotions. Do these sensations move us to react or is it our emotions? When the conditioned mind labels a “feeling” as good or bad, we react to it based on our attitude about it.

Here is an example of how the mind labels physical sensations: The physical sensation and experience of heat and extreme cold are very  much the same. If your eyes were closed and dry ice were placed against your hand, would the experience be burning or freezing? When your eyes open
to see the dry ice, your mind attaches the label “cold”. Only then do you know that it is the experience of cold.

The same is true about all our experiences. Memories and attitudes about our experiences are stored. We are conscious of some of those stored reactions and not conscious of others. Part of the work involved in change is to discover those that cause us to react instead of act.

Once we become more aware, we can change our attitudes and diminish the power situations have over us. What if we were to become “attitudeless” about our feelings?

What if we were to welcome all of our experiences without judgment or expectation? Could we learn to experience life differently with more comfort and less fear? Of course! We begin to experience each moment as it is, letting go the conditioning of our past.

With less fear and more experiencing, less restriction and more   openness, we have more joyfulness and less anxiety. We can learn how to welcome and embrace all of our experiences as wisdom to be gained, not pain to be endured. It is not the lessons of life we fear as much as the experience of getting them!

Part of the difficulty in change and learning is that we forget we have been learning all our lives. It is not truly change we resist but the experience of change that is the issue. We no longer need so much to find more meaning in life, rather to have a life with more meaning. 

The answers to these questions lie in understanding how our mind functions. Once we understand and choose to have things change, they will change. If you want things to change, CHANGE YOUR MIND!

Life Change Principles that will help you change your MIND:
1. Life is choices and change.
2. I am responsible for my choices.
3. Allow people the dignity of their process and choices.
4. Uninvited opinions from others tell me more about them than about
5. The only power others have over me is that which I give to them.
6. Any thought without action or emotional investment means nothing.
7. Be in the present moment.

Gene Oliver, author of the book “Life and the Art of Change”, a seminar and workshop leader, relationship coach, founder of award-winning , an on-line, global spiritual community and support network, is a life-change facilitator. He can be reached by calling (949) 515-9022.

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