Increase Your Relationship Prosperity:
How to Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires
By Judith Orloff, M.D.
Our relationship prosperity depends on the positive energy of our interactions. The people around us can affect our health and mood. Our relationships are governed by a give and take of energy. Some people make us more electric or at ease, yet others suck the life right out of us.
As a physician and energy specialist, I want to verify that energy vampires roam the world sapping our exuberance. With patients, and in my workshops, I have seen their fang marks and the carnage they have strewn. But most of us don’t know how to identify and cope with vampires, so we mope around as unwitting casualties, enduring a preventable fatigue.
Here are some types of energy vampires to watch out for and ways to deal with them.
The Sob Sister
Every time you talk to her, she’s whining. She adores a captive audience. She’s the co-worker with the “poor-me” attitude who is more interested in complaining than solutions.
How to Protect Yourself: Set clear boundaries. Limit the time you spend talking about her complaints. With a firm but kind attitude say, “I’m sorry I can only talk for a few minutes today,” and go on with your work.
The Drama Queen
This vampire has a flair for exaggerating small incidents into off-the-chart dramas. My patient Sarah was exhausted when she hired a new employee who was always late for work. One week he had the flu and “almost died.” Next, his car was towed, again! After this employee left her office Sarah felt tired and used.
How to Protect Yourself: A drama queen doesn’t get mileage out of equanimity. Stay calm. Take a few deep breaths. This will help you not get caught up in the histrionics. At work, set kind but firm limits. Say, “You must be here on time to keep your job. I’m sorry for all your mishaps, but work comes first.”
The Constant Talker or Joke Teller
He has no interest in your feelings; he is only concerned with himself. Initially, he might seem entertaining, but when the talking doesn’t stop, you begin to get tired. You wait for an opening to get a word in edgewise, but it never comes. Or he might physically move in so close he’s practically breathing on you. You edge backwards, but without missing a beat, he steps closer again. “One patient said about a co-worker, ‘Whenever I spot this man my colon goes into a spasm.”
How to Protect Yourself: Know that these people don’t respond to nonverbal cues. You must speak up and interrupt. Listen for a few minutes, then from a neutral place politely say, “I’m a quiet person, so please excuse me for not talking a long time . . . a much more constructive tack than “Keep quiet, you’re driving me crazy!”
The Fixer Upper
This vampire is desperate for you to fix her endless problems — at all hours. She turns you into her therapist. At lunch, she’ll make a b-line to your desk, monopolizing your free time. Her neediness lures you in.
How to Protect Yourself: Do not become the “rescuer.” Show empathy but resist offering solutions. Be supportive but tell her, “I’m confident you will find the right solution” or sensitively suggest that she seek a qualified professional for help.
This vampire has a sneaky way of making you feel guilty or lacking for not getting things just right. Whenever Marie, a book editor, sees her boss, she is on guard; her boss had a way of cutting her down, sapping her energy. She always has a negative comment to make.
How to Protect Yourself: Try this visualization. Around this person imagine being surrounded by a cocoon of white light. Think of it as a protective covering that keeps you from being harmed. Tell yourself you are safe and secure here. The cocoon filters out negativity so it can’t deplete you.
Go For The Jugular
This type is vindictive and cuts you down with no consideration for your feelings. He says things like, “Forget that job. It’s out of your league.” These jabs can be so hurtful it’s hard to get them out of your head.
How To Protect Yourself: Eliminate them from your life whenever possible. For a boss who isn’t going anywhere try a visualization that puts you at a distance from him, and refuse to ingest the poison. If you do not want to switch jobs, realize he is a wounded person; try not to take his meanness personally.
Judith Orloff, M.D., is a psychiatrist and intuitive, author of the new book, “Positive Energy: Ten Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear Into Vibrance, Strength, and Love” (Three Rivers Press, 2005), from which this article was adapted. She is also author of best-sellers “Guide to Intuitive Healing” and “Second Sight.” Visit: www.drjudithorloff.com
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