ASK KRS
By KRS Edstrom

 

 

Dear KRS,
I am the mother of 16-month-old twins. It took me five years and seven miscarriages to have them through IVF. Now that they are walking I am experiencing a great deal of anxiety that something will happen to them while we’re out.

I am terrified that I will not be able to watch them both and something bad will happen the minute I turn away. I don’t want to instill fear in them and I want them to be able to explore their world. I suspect this is a kind of post-traumatic stress disorder from all the miscarriages but I don’t know how to control it. I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with this anxiety before I pass it on to my children.
Anxious Mother of Twins

Dear Anxious Mother,
It is very astute of you to realize that you could pass this fear onto your children, so congratulations for addressing it before it gets worse. It is very natural for mothers, particularly first-time mothers, to have a fear for the safety of their young ones.

The fact that you have gone through so much to have yours heightens that concern. I often marvel myself at how children make it though all the bumps and falls alive once they become mobile. BUT THEY DO! In fact, it’s part of their learning process. This is what you must remember.

I have two suggestions. One, have faith (whatever that means to you) in the process. Know that they are in “higher hands.” When you leave, realize they are being watched over in more ways than one. This will ultimately strengthen your faith (you’ll need it when they become teens). Second, practice relaxation skills when you feel like focusing on their safety. Notice where you feel tight in your body and let that area release with each breath.

Check out some relaxation audios. Give this your time and attention and you WILL overcome it.
KRS

Dear KRS,
Can you help a 48-year-old hospital staff RN who averages 50 hour work weeks? I’ve been an RN for 5 years. My husband divorced me 2 years ago after 26 years of marriage. I am 5’ 2’’ and weigh 180 lbs. I have
trouble sleeping and I am always tired. I want to exercise and keep trying to start, but I just can’t keep motivated. Same with dieting.

I am a good nurse, I care a lot about my patients and I kill myself trying to do what is expected of me by the hospital (paper work, number of patients, etc.) and giving proper care to my patients. I need some relief!
Nurse Who Can’t Heal Herself

Dear Nurse,
If you don’t take time to care for yourself soon, you may indeed “kill” yourself taking care of others. When you say you’re trying to do what is “expected” of you, ask yourself, “Is this what’s expected of others in my position and if so, are they fulfilling their duties effortlessly?”


In other words, perhaps you are taking on more than you need to because you “think” more is expected of you. This is just a guess, but it may be worth examining, especially if you are a “people pleaser.” If you feel that more is required of you than others, talk with your superior and express this. Nothing beats clear communication.

Then set aside a specific time for you to exercise 5-6 days a week. I’d like you to start with only 5-10 minutes a day. Get into the habit of it and do not miss, no matter what. You can add 5 minutes every few weeks, if you like, but do not be too ambitious in the amount of time you commit. Less is more at first, and consistency is everything.

Your sleep should improve when you are exercising regularly. Your self-esteem will pick up once you realize you are a worthwhile person and that there is no need to punish yourself for a failed marriage.

Stock up on healthful foods once a week — how about Sundays? Stick with the plan and keep a calendar of your success (days you stuck to your plan). The motivation will grow with your momentum.
KRS

KRS Edstrom, M.S., is an author, lecturer and columnist. She offers private sessions (by phone or in person) and seminars on meditation, stress, pain, weight loss. Her books and audios offer solutions for healthful, conscious living. For free soothing guided meditations and more information, visit www.AskKRS.com. Call (323) 851-8623
or email: KRS@AskKRS.com 

 


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