Prosperity is Yours
Just Give Yourself Permission
By Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Magazines, books and online articles about the secrets of success titillate our senses but rarely satisfy the craving for a desire to be another Warren Buffett or Bill Gates. Ever wonder why not? Why is it that Lee Iacocca can come from the humblest of beginnings and end up being a rich, famous and sought-after business person, while trillions of others with better starts in life achieve far less? Motivational writers and speakers may arouse a desire in you, but fail to discuss why that desire has never been allowed to bear fruit in your personal life.

The dictionary definition of prosperity is ‘the condition of being successful or thriving.’ The word ‘condition’ is key. It suggests that you must have a belief and an attitude about yourself that permits you to use all your personal resources and create success in whatever way you choose to define it. It isn’t just positive thinking, or making self-affirmations to yourself in the mirror every morning. Nor is it telling yourself that you are competent, desirable or super smart. None of these exercises touch the core of your relationship with yourself — the one who runs the show and determines whether you will allow yourself to be prosperous or not. The two examples below shows how this operates.

Justin has a beautiful home in a wealthy elite neighborhood. He has two expensive cars and friends in influential places. Most people regard him as successful and prosperous. Yet he will not use things he bought, and wears the same old clothes despite having a wardrobe full of custom-made Italian clothing. He loves expensive things, buys only the best, but won’t let himself enjoy them. He lives as if he doesn’t have any of these things. He presents himself to the world as someone who needs to be taken care of. He lets the child part of himself dictate how he relates with the world. The child part is starved of the nourishment it needs from its adult self, and so it cannot thrive or prosper.

Sylvia is an intelligent professional woman. She tries not to think of her unfulfilled wish to have a well-paying job, travel and have a family of her own. Years ago she failed some exams, lost family members and had relationships where she was repeatedly let down. Her anger and sadness made her shut off the part of her that had the ability, motivation and determination to make her dreams come true. She had made a decision not to thrive and prosper. She forced herself to accept less fertile soil in which to live her life. She punished the able and hopeful part of herself by settling for far less than she should. She too is letting the child part of herself win. This child doesn’t trust her adult self to protect her and look out for her. So she refuses to negotiate, and draws sharp battle lines that she doesn’t dare cross.

Sylvia and Justin operate by splitting themselves into two halves. One part conducts life in order to survive by achieving the basic minimum for that purpose — satisfactory interpersonal skills, high school diploma, and a respectable if mediocre job. The other part is blind to the success and potential for prosperity. For to be aware would mean taking responsibility and acting on it. That can be extremely frightening and often stirs up the terror of having to go through life alone. The internal dialogue of the blind part goes something like this, “If I can manage my life and take care of things, I will not need anyone, and therefore I will not have any excuse for seeking out attachments. I cannot survive alone, so it is better not to be grown up and responsible.”

There are some advantages in keeping the adult and child part of you separate:
*    You never have to be alone and totally vulnerable.
*    You avoid the risks of attempting new things, failing and being disappointed.
*    You have someone else to blame when things go wrong.
*    You can legitimately ask to be taken care of in ways that work for you.

Disadvantages of keeping the child and adult part of you separate:
*    You  feel empty and unsatisfied.
*    You use temporary means to quell the emptiness like food, sex, substances, to no avail.
*    You go through life blind to your own power.
*    You give your power away to others.
*    You are miserable, envious of others and angry when that child part of you isn’t taken care of.
*    People don’t take care of you for very long, and you do end up alone.

Becoming financially and materially prosperous doesn’t always mean being fully satisfied and grounded in your life. Thriving emotionally and prospering in the way you relate to yourself means that you join the child and adult parts of yourself in harmony. Both are necessary and useful so long as they are balanced, and the adult leads the way.

Tips on Becoming a Prosperous Personality:
*    Begin a dialogue between the child and adult parts of yourself.
*    Accept that you have both these parts, good and bad and that the sum of all the parts
      is the greatest, strongest and best hope you have for being successful.
*    Give yourself permission to meet your own needs. If you take care of yourself,
      others will be attracted to you and be willing to partner with you in that process.
*     Learn the art of asking for what you want, rather than expecting others to know
       and magically provide it for you.

Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist practicing in Los Angeles. She has a Doctorate in clinical psychology, and a Master’s degree in child, adolescent and educational psychology. Her website can be accessed at www.drjeanetteraymond.com
© Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D