Changing Your Relationship with Money
By Morgana Rae, CPCC, ACC, MPNLP
Your current financial situation is a direct reflection of your inner
relationship with Money. If you don’t like your finances, something needs to
change in your relationship. This is where Alchemy comes in.
Alchemy is the art of transformation. With roots in ancient Egypt and classical Greece, Alchemy comes from a time when there was no distinction between science and magic. The mysteries of matter and consciousness were inextricably linked (as they are again, in today’s quantum physics). These ancient studies gave birth to modern medicine, psychology, chemistry, and even Sir Isaac Newton’s work on gravity.
The ultimate pursuit of Alchemy was the “Philosophers’ Stone,” a substance believed to turn worthless metals into gold. While Alchemists through the ages slaved in the laboratory, their metalwork concealed a spiritual process, a Philosophers’ Stone which had to be kept hidden from the Church: this was the process of inner transformation.
Two principles are involved here: 1) turning lead into gold was an outer
demonstration of inner transformation, and 2) the seed of the solution (the
gold) was hidden in the problem (the lead). I invite you to use this to discover
your own Philosophers’ Stone — your key to wealth and inner transformation —
hidden in your relationship with Money.
Before we proceed, let’s review some guidelines I adapted from Alchemist tradition:
As it is above, so it is below
What shows up in your head is going to show up in your life. This chapter will be using fundamental Relationship Coaching skills to help you transform your relationship with money from a dead seed into a flowering garden. A seed comes to life as a living, thriving, fruit-flowering plant… in the right environment. So, too, your own prosperity.
Your potential for financial abundance is there, waiting for the necessary
environment within you. Your relationship with money is like the soil that feeds
or starves your economic growth. As long as you have hidden beliefs that cause
you to unconsciously repel money, perhaps “protect” yourself from wealth, your
garden will not grow.
There is no scarcity
A wealthy client once explained to me how he had overcome poverty. “The amount of money out there in play every day is limitless, beyond our comprehension. Money is everywhere,” he explained. “And it is available in proportion to how big your funnel is to take it in.” He had learned to tap into the Source. This relationship supported him.
Consciousness gives you choice
I assert even a small change in your relationship consciousness can have a huge impact on your material life. You get what you choose, but first you need to know what you are choosing. How do I know this? I experienced this transformation myself.
For years I was struggling as a life coach. I had trouble attracting clients who would pay the fee I wanted. I found myself avoiding discussions of money as long as I could. The whole subject embarrassed me, and my discomfort translated into making clients uncomfortable too. I was “doing” all the right marketing things — networking, newsletters, sample sessions — and getting nowhere. I was not making a “grownup” living.
What was in my way, I wondered? My coach and I both took a look at my relationship with Money. What were my stories about Money? What is this entity I am in relationship with? What is going on with this relationship?
Two discoveries popped out: money didn’t feel safe or reliable, and money caused separation. (My family would swing between being rich and poor over and over again, and money was a “reason” for family members not to talk to each other for decades.) If my experience of money were given personhood, he would look like an unkempt, unappealing, Hell’s Angel biker type I didn’t want to be around... someone untrustworthy who liked to cause fights. No wonder I wasn’t bringing Money into my life!
This was not the relationship with Money I wanted to have. (And it wasn’t the relationship I wanted to model for my clients either.) So I created a new paradigm. I fired the Biker persona and put a romantic, cleancut, soft-spoken suitor in his place. I chose a new Money “person” to relate to. This Money was like a sweet boyfriend who wooed me with gifts. He even wore a tux! Whenever I received a check, signed a new client, came across some unexpected income, I would graciously thank Money for the lovely gift. And this version of Money was valued and invited into my life.
From then on my business and income kept growing. Within six months I had accrued such a waiting list of clients that I had to add group coaching to my services. I didn’t have to look for my new clients; they were finding me. And all I had changed was my inner dialogue with money.
Now it’s your turn:
If you want to improve your financial situation, you must first uncover the beliefs that shaped your relationship with Money. Get out some paper and respond to these questions. (Writing creates clarity and speeds up your change.)
What did you hear about money when you were growing up?
What beliefs get between you and prosperity?
What have you heard about women with money?
Next, look at how Money has shown up in your life and in the lives of those around you. Give Money personhood in relationship to you. If Money were a person, what would your version of this Money “person” be like? Who is Money? How do you feel about Money? Do you trust Money? Does Money trust you? How does Money operate in your life? How does Money feel about you? Is Money someone you would want to have a relationship with if you didn’t “have to”?
Now, take a step back and imagine looking at this relationship between yourself and Money — as a person from the outside.
What shift needs to happen in this relationship?
Now, as yourself, negotiate with Money:
Does Money have a request for you? Do you have a request for Money? What’s going
to be different? How do you want to be different in this relationship? What is
the next step to making this change real?
Money is like any other relationship; it comes where it is invited and appreciated. It rarely comes when it is chased. It can be your partner if you listen to it. The more you care for this relationship, the more money you will attract.
HERE ARE FIVE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO BE A BETTER MONEY MAGNET
1) Appreciate money. Appreciate even the smallest denomination. Think of how good you feel when you are valued for even a small gesture. It is the same with money. Every time you practice receiving and appreciating, you train the universe to send you more.
2) Strengthen your boundaries. Have the courage to say “yes” to what you want and “no” to what you don’t want. Clear the clutter and energy drains in your life. Strong boundaries will build your self esteem and free you to focus on what is important to you. This is very attractive to money.
3) Make a wish list. List one hundred things you would buy if money were no object. The items on your list put what you want on your radar. Through a mental process called reticular activation, your mind will start to discover opportunities to manifest the items on your list.
4) Manage your money. The better you manage what you have, the better able you
will be to manage more. Get in the habit of diverting a percentage of your
income into a wealth-building account, even if you are paying down debt. And set
aside something for your favorite charities — nothing builds a sense of
abundance like the ability to give to others.
5) Surround yourself with successful people. You take on traits of the people
you spend the most time with. If you want to be financially free, spend your
time with financially-successful people who share your values. Identify rich
people you admire. Pick up their mindsets and practices for enlightened wealth
Morgana Rae, CPCC, MPNLP, is president of Charmed Life Coaching, a life and business coaching company that guides clients to market creatively and inexpensively, to attract more than they chase, and to enjoy success without sacrificing their humanity. She is a popular speaker and frequent television and radio guest. Contact Morgana at (310) 657-5340, e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org or visit www.charmedlifecoach.com
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