SELF ESTEEM SAMPLER
“From Heartbreak to Happiness”
An Intimate Diary of Healing
By Kay Walburger

Aurora Winter wrote “From Heartbreak to Happiness” spanning her ten years as a single parent after the sudden death of her 33-year-old husband. As you read about her journey of recovery, hope, and happiness, you will find yourself recovering hope and happiness, too.

“Hope is the key to healing,” remembers Aurora. “Living day to day, it is hard to see if there is any way out. Our stories may be different, but our pain is the same. Today our world is experiencing heartbreaking situations from our personal circumstances such as divorce, disease, death, and loss of security to large natural disasters, violence, and wars which  devastate our world.

“How do we find our way back to Happiness?”  inquires Aurora rhetorically. “I feel that my personal odyssey of tragedy and triumph may inspire others to have courage and hope as they regain clarity and ultimate happiness from their own journey. I offer my personal diary knowing that healing is a journey — and knowing the major signposts along the way — make the journey easier.

The best way to tell this story is to give you a sample of the processes Aurora used to create this unique and compassionate ‘Diary of Healing’.

TRAGEDY
Pummeled by a waterfall of grief
So intense and powerful,
It takes all my strength and concentration
To simply remain standing under the assaulting deluge,
Or I surrender and I am swept away.
18 days prior to my husband’s death.  

PREMONITION
“I dream that I am walking toward a door. An ordinary door in an ordinary room.

“I open the door, continuing on my way. Immediately, I regret that innocent step, for the door opens into a black void.

“There is no floor. No ceiling. No walls. Just emptiness stretching on forever and a wind that howls its loneliness and whips my hair into my stinging eyes.

“Desperate, I try to scramble backwards to safety, but it’s too late.    “Relentless, gravity claims me. I plummet into dark emptiness.”

Day 1
“. . . What’s his name? Where do you live?” I want to scream at her, “Don’t you know my husband is not breathing? I don’t even belong here! I belong at my husband’s side!

“. . . The fireman who administered CPR in the ambulance exits. He sees the question on my face. “I’m sorry.”

“And then I know he’s dead. My dear husband David is dead.

“Everything is a blur. The air is thick like water. Everything is muffled. Everything is in slow motion . . . in his room, his body is still warm.

“I bawl and wail my grief, words tumbling out, a torrent of things I need to say. I nestle my head against his chest, like I did when we were sleeping. I feel soothed, I feel heard.  (I had laid here every night for ten years)

“Gradually, family members arrive ...to say good-by.”

Moment by moment, day by day, week by week, month by month, and then months dissolving into years, Aurora’s journey into grief and healing are met one step at a time.
 
Part I  Tragedy
1. How to tell our four-year-old son? 2. Visitations of ghostly images. 3. The funeral, so many decisions? 4. How to face death in the house where he died?  5. I was enraged! Irate at being abandoned! Seething with my fear!  6. Expectations and miracles and loneliness. 7. Our son’s nightmare! 8. Entertaining love and hate!

Part II  Transformation begins
1. New emotions. Defying death. Single mom. 2. Home alone with memories, curiosity, and irony.

Part III Trials
1. Utopia? 2. When will it end?  3. Fighting depression and denial! 4. Inner void? 5. Our son’s anger. 6. More guilt and new courage.

Part IV  Temptations
1. The Psychic. 2. Mocking death. 3. Emotional cripple. 4. The gift of new eyes  5. Awakening psychic abilities  6. My guides  7. The first Christmas without him?

Part V  Triumph
1. My Lesson. Foundation. Acceptance. 2. Miraculous coincidences. More miracles. 3. Starting over! 4. What if? 5. Coming full circle. 6. His birthday, forgiveness, and farewell. 7. The sweetest triumph.

Footprints on My Heart
David’s death has left its mark on me . . . What once was a scar healed and became footprints on my heart. I am never alone . . . his life . . . his death . . . has forever changed me . . . What would a rainbow be without rain and sun?
I choose love . . . though it is entwined with loss.
I choose joy . . . though it is entwined with sorrow.
I choose peaks . . . though they are entwined with valleys.
I choose life . . . though it is entwined with death.

Life, glorious life! To embrace and savor every moment, to soothe one soul in torment, to inspire one discouraged friend, to be the warm wind under my son’s wings, to leave my own footprints on hearts . . . that is all there is . . . and all I need to make my life worthwhile.

Aurora Winter has been a guest on radio and TV shows discussing the topic of dealing with emotional crisis such as death, divorce, job loss, or critical illness. She is the author of “From Heartbreak To Happiness, An Intimate Diary of Healing”, and a speaker and Certified Grief Recovery Counselor. Aurora helps individuals, organizations and charities understand and counsel people dealing with emotional crisis. Her book is available at www.aurorawinter.com

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