We suffer, often unknowingly, from the way we are treated.
Have you ever walked away from someone who is angry with you and noticed that you physically felt bad? And what of the less obvious ways we receive quiet, small criticisms, insults, looks, and personal oppositions that eventually add up to a toxic dump site?
We often suffer physically, as well as emotionally, from allowing people to treat us in condemning ways.
Of all your relationships, which ones cause you pain? Listen up. Here is a list of toxic behaviors: condemnation, accusation, blame, criticism, neutrality, ignoring your heart, and disrespect are all toxic. These behaviors cut deep and send inner messages of guilt, unworthiness, fear, loss, despair, and finally, depression. We feel like a failure. We feel wounded. We often don’t know how to fix it so we deal with it by storing it away or stuffing it down, but the wound continues to hurt and fester. Left unhealed, long-term wounds have negative effects on the body.
What can you do about it?
First of all, from this moment forward, you can decide that you are not going to allow yourself to be mistreated in any of your relationships. Also, you can set standards for yourself by choosing people in your life who have mutually-shared values and who respect and support you, without judgment or reservation. And, finally, make sure that the people closest to you treat you with the love you deserve.
This isn’t about ego. This isn’t about who is right and who is wrong. This is about being at peace with your Highest Self and experiencing the highest love you can imagine. This is the love you deserve. We all deserve this love.
Remember what genuine love looks and feels like. Love is kind, honoring, responsive, understanding, caring, compassionate, fair, just, and honest — consistently. It takes a lot of work to show up with love for others. Expect this from yourself going out to your inner circle and expect it to come back to you from these same people. Love is not for the weak. It is admirable because it requires constant motivation and discipline, like everything else in life that is worthwhile.
Develop courage to speak up and lovingly express your feelings, without harm to another. Expect what you say to be effective. You have a right to flow with positive feelings with those closest to you — so that you can be free to flow with generous love to them as well as receive it. This doesn’t happen when our hearts close due to feeling hurt or when we feel emotionally unsafe. Evaluate your relationships and have the courage to reframe a toxic relationship with new and better terms for yourself.
Finally, when we have done all we know, and said all there is to say, and there is still no change in someone who causes us pain, suffering, and hardship, the finest thing you can do is to forgive. And sometimes leave the relationship as well. Forgiveness is powerful medicine for the body and soul. It does not re-open the door to recreate the problem. Nor does forgiveness condone it. Forgiveness allows you to deal with the hurt by identifying what is causing it and to offer yourself massive comfort.
Ask Love, or the powers of the Universe, to show you how to forgive the wrong done against you. Be patient with yourself and keep making the effort, while listening to Love, until you succeed.
Forgiveness is for you to have peace in your heart. Remember your loving nature. There is no better time than the present, even if the hurt was created years ago.
And lastly, be willing to leave the relationship if you see the behavior is not changing or the interest to improve is not high. Sometimes this is the best thing we can do to rise above a toxic relationship. You have a right to live in peace and oneness. This is who you are. You can disallow anything from separating you from Love. This is your mission. Today, decide to rise above any and all toxic relationships and take dramatic steps to move in that direction. Welcome to the heart of Love!
© Copyright 2010 by Shannon Peck
Shannon Peck is a spiritual healer and teacher of love and healing. She is the author of “Love Heals: How to Heal Everything with Love” and co-author, with Dr. Scott Peck, of several books on love and relationships. She is also Co-founder of The Love Center. To learn more about Shannon as a healer, visit http://www.ShannonPeck.com.