Emotional Freedom in Relationship
By James Hyman
What does it mean to be connected, and what is the feeling that we're not connected? If you think about what's been going on in your process since you have been on a spiritual path, it is harder and harder to put the responsibility of your life any place outside of yourself. There is no blame any longer. And every time you do it you can feel how ridiculous it is, especially if you interface with a partner in a relationship. Because you know you are seeing yourself.
What it really comes down to ultimately, is making a choice moment by moment to stay in happiness, bliss and joy. The mind freaks out. Ahhh, it says. I can't control it. I am going to die soon. My car is going to break down. My bank account is going to run out. And on and on. These are habitual responses to the uncertainty of day-to-day existence.
In all your relationships, you get angry and hurt. If you were totally committed to bliss in that instant, you would feel it, integrate it, recapitulate it, process it or let it go, and move back into bliss. In your relationship with your primary partner, and if you are not with a primary partner right now, think of the last one. They were your mirror. And yet, you would get angry and fight. When I was younger and I would do that with girlfriends, I couldn't figure out how I was ever going to get back to love. Now, as I have gotten stronger, and have made the choice to grow up, I realized that all the abstinence and resistance, was my resistance to life.
You may be in a place where your life feels very painful to you. You may be dealing with certain realities that you are having a hard time coping with, understanding or integrating. If so, you are in process. There are aspects of life that are painful: unresolved relationships, business failures, finding out you have a life-threatening illness, finding out someone close to you is sick or dying. This is life. Life is a great mystery.
As you develop a relationship with yourself where there is a total commitment, there will be trust. Then, you will not stand in the way of that which needs to be spoken. And you will be responsible with that which needs to be spoken, so that the energy does not endanger your spiritual, emotional or physical life in this world.
Emotional release work of some kind is critical in this process. Until blocks have been cleared that prevent the right energy from moving through your body, your mind will continue to redraw patterns and recreate experiences that mirror the blocked energy held in the body. Once your relationship with the energy, the life force in your body becomes so strong, there is no way you would do anything to deplete it. That is what you are looking for. That is the ideal.
There are the real conditions of our existence, like making our rent and paying our bills, and dealing with the contingencies of life as each individual chooses to carve it out. At the same time, there is a certain pressure that comes up from all of the programming of our childhood and the reinforcement that we create through following habitual behavioral and emotional patterns, based upon what happened to us in childhood. One consistent belief we have about ourselves is that we can't have what we want, we're not good enough, or that we don't deserve it. Shame is one of the things that keeps people from feeling connected spiritually.
Emotional freedom has to do with a person getting to a place where they trust the process of taking care of their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. When there is a spiritual connectedness, connectedness in relationship comes easily.
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL FREEDOM?
From my experience, I would say that emotional freedom is being in a consistent state of practicing the awareness of now. That no matter where I am, my mind may be caught up in some form of worry or anxiety about something, yet even in that process I am in a constant state of awareness.
When moments of real freedom come by, it is a fluid, dynamic process; a condition of flowing awareness. What it means is that in moments of deep relaxation, I have the experience of bliss, now-ness, being in the dream time, hyper or intensified sensory awareness, feelings of expanded love, and a deep connection to everything that is happening around me, people, as well as events. In essence, life and the world becomes a domain of magic in which to continue to explore dimensions of perception. This is a very good place to begin relationship with everything and everybody.
Basically people are looking for health, material success and relationship, love and a sense of accomplishment. Their life must have purpose and meaning. So the goal of achieving emotional freedom then becomes the goal of one's life. How one chooses to express that becomes a path of individual choice. The path of emotional freedom is about spiritualizing your life. Whether you are a corporate executive or a housewife, it is about consciousness. It is about waking up to one's conscious potential as a Divine Being. Then, love is easy.
When you realize that who you are, and what you do in life has great value and honor, you are having a direct relationship or emotional experience of your life. Spiritualizing your life means getting more fully integrated into the experience of being alive on all levels.
In relationship, an emotionally-free person experiences being as present and direct as possible. If they are not totally connected and present to the person they are in communication with, they are able to admit that to themselves honestly. I am standing here and having a conversation with this person and I am not connected to them. I am not feeling them.
They are aware, without judgment, that a degree of separation is going on. Through will and intent, one can begin to apply awareness and intimacy to all communication, so that communication becomes not a manipulation, but a response to the desire to connect, communicate and to come into alignment.
When you begin to feel the power of emotional freedom, you are connected to yourself through a sense of relaxation. Even if there is tension, it is dynamic.
As the child spirit comes to the surface, that is the experience of success. Everything is in harmony and things are flowing. There is an excitement. This is an excellent place to be in relationship, where you are in a position to bring in a profusion of joy, love, sexual energy and bliss.
James Hyman is the founder of Deep Emotional Release Bodywork®. He travels nationwide as a lecturer and teacher. He lives and practices in Los Angeles and can be reached at (800) 700-6420.
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