Rising in Love
By Manny Stamatakis


A relationship can be an em-powering and inspiring journey of love. This is especially true if both partners are committed to themselves, each other, the relationship, as well as being willing to share their love with the world. They are more likely to have such a whole and healthy relationship if, at first, they are able to express their own unique qualities and know that they can live happy and successful lives without each other.

If you are consciously committed to your relationship, your true intention will be to contribute to its growth. And if you are truly devoted to having your relationship work, you will also "rise in love" . Of course, once you've chosen your relationship consciously, it would be wise to, not only, practice rising in love, but also to continue to rise in love.

What does rising in love entail? And what does it actually mean to rise in love? Well, one thing I can tell you for sure is, that it doesn't mean "falling in love". Nor, does it seem to correlate very well with the phrase, "madly in love". In fact, many of the expressions that people use to describe their feelings of love are not especially enlightened ones. Perhaps, you are familiar with some of these common sayings: "I'm crazy about him!!" "I'm nuts about her!" "I'm smitten". "My goose is cooked". "I'm so in love".  "I'm falling head over heels for him" . . . Let's face it, do any of these statements imply that one is involved in a healthy loving relationship? . . . It doesn't sound like it, does it!?

"Falling in love" is a desperate yearning for attention which seems to convey a message to one's partner that, "I'm falling! Catch me! Save me!" It's a sense of hopelessly longing for someone who can fill the empty void you are likely experiencing in your life. It can also be a desire to turn your partner into a parental substitute who can take care of you.

Falling in love usually involves possessiveness, compromise, need and obligation. However, when you fall in love and idealize your partner, there is also a tendency to be blind in these circumstances. A relationship based on need, fear of loss or co-dependency reflects a false sense of security. Such conditions do not foster healthy growth in  a relationship. If you depend on your partner for happiness, you are inferring that the source of love is outside of yourself. Couples who fall in love in this way, enter what the Course in Miracles refers to as a "special relationship". Such "special relationships" are based on separation and, of course, are often co-dependent in nature.

Yet, by practicing self-love and raising your self-esteem, a couple can become more self-reliant. For, two equally self-sufficient partners, who can freely give and receive unconditional love, can enter a "holy relationship" and "rise in love" together. By elevating themselves in this way, a couple will discover that it is much easier to mutually support each other. And it is through this interdependence that the relationship will thrive and continue to grow.

Let go of your fear of loss and the need to possess love. Instead, practice rising in love by expressing yourself in the free spirit of love. Also, give up your need to feel secure about the future and practice being carefree in the moment. For, rising in love is living in the now, appreciating ourselves and each other, and sharing equally in the relationship.

Whereas falling in love is romantic desperation, rising in love is romantic inspiration. Rising in love is empowering, yet not controlling. It is opening up and surrendering to higher levels of love and intimacy in your relationship. Rising in love offers mutual support, a common vision and a freedom to grow together. It is the ultimate in commitment because it offers you the choice to participate instead of feeling impelled to do so.

Couples who rise in love seldom get hooked on the "happy-ever-after" myth. So please don't take your relationship for granted and assume that everything will always be cheery, regardless of your input. Even after you've discovered each other, it is important to continue to grow by cultivating the wonderful seeds of love that you've sown together. Therefore, devote yourselves and your relationship to its ever-evolving personal growth process. The time, consideration and occasional effort that you invest in your relationship will certainly prove worthwhile, and, more than likely, also insure its continued success.

Many couples believe that, because they love each other, they don't need anyone else in their lives. Not only do they insist on their mate always being exclusively available to them, but they often also shut out the rest of the world from being a part of their relationship. Sometimes, they even stop seeing their best friends and doing their favorite things.

If this is your tendency, remove the walls that separate you from the rest of the world. Drop your defenses and remove all barriers! You do not have to become insular simply because you've bonded intimately as a couple. You can have a great intimate loving relationship with your mate and also maintain wonderful supportive friendships and exciting outside interests with the community at large. In fact, your hobbies and other involvements, providing they are conscious and not manipulative in nature, can be a very stimulating presence in your relationship. Besides, no matter how inspiring your relationship may be, it is vital that each partner has the space to freely express their own uniqueness.

Another important aspect of rising in love is being conscious about not putting your mate up on such a pedestal that you deny the truth or neglect other parts of your life. For instance, if you workshop your mate so much that you go into denial about their weaknesses, you are probably protecting them from receiving the kind of productive feedback that could most benefit them. When you idealize your mate, like this, you tend to view them as the source of love and make them more important than God.

God is the ultimate source of love. So base your relationship on your faith in God. Doing so will open you up to unlimited love. And this pervasive love will elevate both of you to newer and higher levels of "having it all" in your relationship. As the Course in Miracles says, "Your will and God's will are the same". So know that love for your mate and love for God can coexist. When you surrender to God's love, it is easier to surrender to the love in your relationship and as you surrender to the spiritual bonding nature of love in your relationship, you will also enter into a holy relationship with the world around you.

Manny Stamatakis has 20 years of international experience in relationship and personal growth seminars. He and his wife, Annie, created their own enlightened wedding ceremonies in 1986, and as a lively testimonial to the way their own relationship developed, established Create-A-Mate seminar/mixers. They have appeared on national and local television talk shows and have inspired thousands into taking meaningful action in matters of the heart. For more information on relationships empowerment counseling for singles and couples, or a free brochure about their Create-A-Mate programs, call (714) 581-0215.

Return to the May/June Issue Index page