By Alex Strande, MS., Ph.D.
Relationships are a key component to the general health of any individual. Most people have built their ideals of a romantic relationship on an unrealistic expectation somewhere between a fairytale and one of those family television shows where everyone always does the right thing. Unfortunately, a health relationship requires diligence and hard work.
This does not happen overnight and it’s not like Cinderella fitting her foot into the perfect glass slipper to win her prince. Accordingly, we may have unrealistic ideas about how parents or children should relate to us as well. Many people think they are missing out on the perfect family. This creates loneliness and isolation. It’s hard to imagine anyone actually having a perfect family since we all have difficult situations we deal with, or unresolved conflict within our families.
We would all like the perfect relationship. Some of us have learned very young that either we do not deserve a good relationship or it’s not possible to obtain one for any perceived set of reasons usually established long ago in our childhood.
A good Naturopath always asks their patient in the initial consultation, not only what is going on physically and emotionally, but what kind of relationships they have around them. Are they hap-py in those relationships? Do they have a good support system? Relationships are a cornerstone to health. Naturopathy looks at the whole person. We also need to know how to ask for help and to assist people around us when they ask us for guidance.
Most people with severe stress and anxiety perceive themselves as having poor relationships. But how do you start having better relationships? There is no easy answer. Realize what you can expect from people, and what their limitations are, as well as your own.
Happiness is created from within. If you strive to gain happiness from others you will always be sadly disappointed. No one can create that happy relationship for you. You are the creator of your “happy relationship.” Not everyone will be the perfect mother, father, child or lover. But if you change your perceived expectation, you can build a better relationship. Most of us suffer in our relationships because our perceived idea of that individual is unrealistic.
That is not to say there are not completely destructive or dangerous relationships that are completely toxic to your well being. There is a point where everyone needs to walk away and realize that there is no benefit being in a particular relationship.
Many of my patients who suffer from anxiety and depression report their relationships get better once their emotional health improves. My feeling is that once a patient’s brain chemistry is working at an optimal level, and they are feeling less or no anxiety, depression or mood swings, then their perception of the world changes. Many people suffering from anxiety and depression view the world in a very dark manner. As their brain chemistry changes, they view the world in a more positive manner and suddenly relationships improve.
Most patients suffering from anxiety and depression improve almost immediately on my protocol. Within five to seven days there is usually a noticeable difference in their emotional state. Pharmaceutical-based medicine teaches that if we have a “chemical imbalance,” we need to be medicated for life to feel better.
This is nonsense. Traditional Naturopathy is for people who are seeking long-term solutions to their problems and want to eliminate them rather than “treat” them. The body has an inherent ability to heal itself. If we are not in balance, we can develop a “disease.”
Anxiety and depression are just one way it may manifest. This typically will affect our relationships and how we perceive them. It is possible to have healthy relationships, but you need to have healthy brain chemistry as well. And through stress, environmental factors and toxins, we all may get out of balance. However, to achieve a healthy balance is really not that difficult. Typically, most of my patients with anxiety and depression treat on average between 2-3 months before their symptoms are at least 95% gone. You do not have to live with these debilitating disorders and they are not permanent chemical imbalances that need to be “treated.” They can be eliminated permanently if the patient desires. Once this occurs, relationships seem to fall into place.
Alex Strande, M.S., Ph.D., is a Traditional Naturopath and Microbiologist. His office is in Irvine, CA. He can be contacted for questions and appointments at (949) 553-1882. Or check out website: www.simplyhealing.com
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