to Your Assumptions
By Joanne Rodasta Wilshin
ďAssumptions are the termites of relationships.Ē
ó Henry Winkler
Any kind of close relationship gives you an eagleís eye view of your assumptions. Regardless of whether your assumptions are positive or negative, they will show up in your relationships in a variety of ways. If, at some level, you assume people will cheat on you, youíve probably got some cheaters in your relationship circle. If you assume that people love your sense of humor, you no doubt have some people laughing at your every joke.
Assumptions donít always show up the same way in every relationship.
example, the assumption that people donít like your ideas, may play out
differently in your three primary relationships. Your mother may tell
you what to do instead, your best friend may respond sarcastically to
your ideas, and your spouse may just say you canít do whatever it is
want to do. Regardless, the negative message in each response
negative assumption that people donít like your ideas.
But, alas, there is a cure! Close relationships give you ample opportunities to turn your negative assumptions around into positive ones. Once turned around, their energy will create new, comfortable, and loving experiences in all your relationships.
Take, for example, the assumption that people donít like your ideas. Left alone, that assumption creates some very discouraging experiences. But once you do the exercise below that helps you turn your assumption around, youíll start having experiences in which they do like your ideas.
Perhaps this is because they better understand your ideas, or maybe it is because you come up with even better ideas. It doesnít matter. You want people to like your ideas, and you really donít have to be in charge of how that happens.
So what are the steps you need to take? Hereís a simple way to develop a new, positive assumption:
1. First, notice when you assume someone close to you will do something that wonít feel good. Or better yet, notice when the person actually does something you donít like, but expected to happen.
2. Write out the negative assumption. (No need to change the positive assumptions!) For example, ďI assume Bill will forget to call before he comes over, and I hate that.Ē
3. As soon as you write it, ask yourself what would make both you and Bill happy instead. In this case, ďI feel happy when I have plenty of warning so Iím not interrupted unexpectedly, and Bill feels happy when he doesnít feel rushed and tied down.Ē This looks contradictory, but stay with me here.
4. Next, restate this sentence as if it is happening in the present moment: ďI get plenty of warning about interruptions, and Bill feels calm and free-spirited.Ē For added oomph, visualize this happening.
5. Yes, this seems incompatible. But, no, you do not have to figure out how to make it happen. All you have to do in this fifth step is wait for what it looks like when a calm, free-spirited Bill gives you the warning you need.
I donít expect you to just believe me about this. Take the time to use the above format to create new, positive assumptions, and then watch for the results. When you see how your assumptions actually have a creative force of their own, and you notice how much smoother your life goes when you give some oomph to your assumptions, you will probably want to work with their energy to create comfortable experiences in all your various relationships. And if you get stuck, get a friend to help you walk through the steps. Let me know how it turns out for you!
Joanne Rodasta Wilshin wrote ďTake a Moment and Create Your Life!Ē (available through Amazon.com). She is a creating consultant who facilitates Mind-AffectsTM and HeARTaffects Work-shops. You may e-mail her at email@example.com or call (949) 759-9300. You may also visit Joanne at www.wilshin.com © 2004 by Joanne Rodasta Wilshin, MA.
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