Energy and Relationships
An Interview with Dr. Judith Orloff
By Dr. Maryel McKinley Ph.D., C.A.D.C.
Dr. Judith Orloff is the best-selling author of “Second Sight,” “Dr. Judith Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing,” and now her third and best work ever, “Positive Energy: 10 prescriptions for transforming stress and fear into vibrance, strength, and love.”
As this issue of Awareness Magazine focuses on relationships, I have decided to concentrate this interview on the chapters in Judith’s new book “Positive Energy” that deal with “Developing a Heart-Centered Sexuality, Attracting Positive People and Situations, and Energy Vampires.”
Dr. Orloff’s work is unprecedented in that she is truly a pioneer in the field of Energy Psychiatry. As an assistant professor at UCLA, she utilizes both Eastern and Western techniques in her private practice as well as in her modalities. Her work has been well respected and well received as she has attempted to engage a marriage between science and spirituality.
She has been so well received in the scientific community that she was the first medical intuitive psychiatrist to speak at the prestigious American Psychiatric Convention, teaching over 5,000 left-brain medical doctors about the importance of utilizing intuition in their approach to treating patients.
Dr. McKinley: ”I love Chapter 8 of your new book, “Positive Energies,” where you state “Shame on traditional psychiatry for being so enamored with the biochemistry of behavior that it is blind to subtle energy which can enlighten us here.” You go on to state that as a “physician and woman, I feel cheated without the complete facts and rail against accepting anything less than our full power in all interactions and relationships.” You also speak about attracting positive relationships. Tell us how to magnetize people, relationships and situations that revitalize us rather than painting ourselves as victims.”
Dr. Orloff: “One of the reasons I wrote this book is to get across to people that we are more than just flesh and blood, that we have these subtle energy fields known in Chinese medicine as Chi or the aura, that extend beyond us and affect our relationships. We can feel this energy, or what some people call “vibes”, from each other. Some people give off positive vibes and some give off negative vibes. We need to know what each feels like so we can make sane decisions about relationships and treat ourselves better.”
Dr. McKinley: “In your energy prescriptions you say that what we want in relationships isn’t just attention, but the right kind of attention; I could really relate to that. How did you come up with the term Energy Psychiatry and what does it mean?”
Dr. Orloff: “Energy Psychiatry” is the type of psychiatry I practice. It means combining everything I learned in traditional medicine. (I graduated from USC medical school and did my psychiatric residency at UCLA.) It also means incorporating my work as a medical intuitive in sensing energy fields around the body and using my intuition to sense things about people that can help in their overall treatment. Energy Psychiatry is a combination of ancient techniques that involve sensing energy and traditional medicine.”
Dr. McKinley: “You also speak about when we are attracted to someone, it has to do with life essences interflowing, a byproduct of both karma and smarts, which we can’t control. But we can modify your vibes to maximize possibilities. How can we do this?”
Dr. Orloff: “What I want to get across in the book is that we have a lot of control over the energy we give off. There are techniques we can practice that will help us generate positive, loving, compassionate, healthy vibes. When we begin to do this we attract better relationships and situations. For instance, one of the techniques I suggest is a 3-minute mini-meditation focusing on the heart. Throughout the day take some breaks, tune in to your heart, take a few deep breaths, focus on your heart and what is most loving in you. Get a positive loving visual image. When you do that and begin to breathe, it shifts that subtle energy more into the heart. When you give off your heart energy — meaning being self-compassionate and compassionate with others — people can feel the vibes you give off, and this is what you want.”
Dr. McKinley: “It was very refreshing when you said, “Rest assured one does not have to be a Maharishi to emanate positive vibes.” I love that, because a lot of people don’t know they can do this. In reading “Positive Energy,” I have actually been able to make some major positive transformations in my life. I can best compare them to an alchemist change of transforming the “lead” in my life into golden opportunities and powerful healing on emotional, physical, and spiritual levels — as well as getting out of one-sided draining relationships and friendships. I now move toward amazing, supportive, loving and caring relationships. This stuff really works.
I’ve found if you apply these Energy Prescriptions to your life, everything will change for the better. Not just your relationships with others, but with yourself, your Higher Power, and even with your prosperity consciousness, health and wealth! It’s as though when we let go of what doesn’t work for us anymore, or when we are willing to try new ways of dealing with people or situations such as the prescriptions you suggest, we open the doors for new positive and energizing opportunities to magnetize towards us without even trying to attract them. They just come!”
Dr. Orloff: “Exactly! The positive energy vibes come from our love. Our joy comes from our desire to heal. And negative energy comes from fear, anger, or malice. We have control over the energy we generate. In relationships we need to check out other people’s vibes to find out what they generate, who gives us energy, and who saps it. We always have to ask that question of ourselves so we can have loving and supportive relationships around us and we can get away from the negative energy vampires that sap us. Or on the other hand, we can learn how to deal with them more effectively before they take the life out of us.”
Dr. McKinley: On page 262, I appreciated the four laws of attraction where you state that “The following laws are a call to action, not merely theories to ponder.” Well-meaning authors write these types of books, but too often people who attend their workshops leave with no real tools to practice what they have learned. I noticed that you give several examples of specific tools and exercises.
Dr. Orloff: This work is totally about action — I am not into theorizing about things, I believe we need to learn techniques to deal with energy in the practical world. This is not esoteric at all. It’s about teaching people to deal with these energy techniques. I use them all the time in my life, not just in my energy psychiatry practice. I have been an intuitive empath since I was a little girl. I not only sense energy from other people; I actually take it on in my body and it can be very exhausting.”
Dr. McKinley: “I have experienced similar things. I notice in your book that you help people understand if they are “intuitive empaths”, meaning that they pick up this energy and may not know why or where it comes from or how to deal with it. In relationships so often people don’t know if they are picking up on their mate’s vibes, or if it’s their own. Some people call it codependency, but I would conjecture that it goes beyond that”.
Dr. Orloff: “That’s an important point. Learning about energy is an important part of learning about co-dependency and it’s just another aspect that people need to know.”
Dr. McKinley: “What type of guidelines can you give our readers so before going into a new relationship they can effectively discern positive energy from negative energy?”
Dr. Orloff: “With positive energy you’ll feel a sense of comfort, acceptance, upliftment, excitement and a sense of safety. With negative energy in a relationship you will feel a lack of safety, even though your hormones may be raging and saying something different. You might feel blamed or feel quick jabbing vibes, or controlled. It’s not just an intellectual concept. You must always ask your body, “What does my body feel about this relationship?” What really stumps people is this person can look really good on paper, but when you are standing with them, your energy can be bottoming out.”
Dr. McKinley: I’m impressed with your prescriptions for sexual spirituality wherein you describe aligning the heart Chakras with your mate by hugging him or her, and feeling the love energy pass between you. You say this can be a way to achieve intimacy without having sex if you are too tired, but want to nurture the beautiful energy that sexuality brings when in a spiritual relationship with a partner.
Dr. Orloff: “Thank you. And as a Psychiatrist I must reiterate that subtle energy is very real and we must be aware of that. Every organ in your body responds to this energy. A negative energy can attract sickness and sick people in relationships towards you. Energy vampires are absolutely there and we must honor that”.
Dr. McKinley: What do you suggest when someone comes to you with a relationship that is simply draining the life out of the mate. How does the person who is being drained protect themselves?”
Dr. Orloff: “There are several types of energy vampires, and many go there unintentionally. First we need to get to the root issues, and to create personal space at home. Often I have been hesitant to be in a relationship because I require so much personal space that I require a separate bedroom. For intuitive empaths to have better relationships, they need to renegotiate what their relationship needs. Talk to your mate about your energy situation, and how you really need to be alone at times. Or suggest that you both sleep separately sometimes, and not to take that personally. However, many intuitive empaths are afraid to talk about that kind of thing because they were shut down as children. Choose a mate you can talk to and who will be sensitive to your needs and you to theirs.”
Dr. McKinley: “On page 315 you talk about creating your own relationships. For intuitive em-paths the traditional relationship will not work. We need to let empaths feel free enough to be with someone who understands about subtle energies. We can be so sensitive, people need to give empaths permission to speak up about this and not be afraid to ask for what they need. Most people don’t understand us and the implications of negative energy around us. Tell us how to avoid energy vampires in prospective mates.”
Dr. Orloff: “Once we get the type of energy down, creative relationships can be built around that. Then you follow with an exercise from the book. Another boundary you can set with energy vampires is to send the person energy from your heart, nonjudgmental love and to also picture a white light surrounding your body. Another important suggestion for boundaries is to remember not to allow your buttons to get pushed. This perpetuates the vampire relationship. You can excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and regroup if need be.”
Dr. McKinley: “What are some other types of energy vampires to look for in relationship and what can we do to protect ourselves?”
Dr. Orloff: “The Blamer”: They dump on you, so you must shield yourself with white light. Or “The Drama Queen,” where you must take a deep breath to cleanse yourself. Then there is the constant talker and joke teller, when you can’t get a word in edgewise. In a draining co-worker situation you can say, “Excuse me, I have to get back to work. When on an airplane and someone keeps talking say, the point is to open your mouth with the proper attitude. “
Dr. McKinley: “In other words be able to speak up so you are not energetically battered.”
Dr. Orloff: “Yes. Also there is the endless fixer upper. There are two types to watch for. These are the people who want to be your therapist, or this can be a woman who finds a man she thinks she can fix up.”
Dr. McKinley: “As a relationships therapist I see this all the time. If the mate does not first recognize these old patterns, they will continue to attract the same old patterns and just exchange one bad relationship for another over and over again until they learn the lesson! Your book has identified these types of energy drainers so one might recognize them AND have a course of action to fix it once and for all!”
Dr, Orloff: “It’s time for people in relationship to take responsibility for their own lives, and as an energy fixer, their own energy will get drained.”
Dr. McKinley: “I can see where fixer uppers tend to focus on what needs to be changed in their mate as a way of detouring from the healing that needs to take place in their own lives!”
Dr. Orloff: “And a mutually-loving relationship cannot grow unless both people are working on it. So the above types of relationships die. The next type of drainer is the outwardly nice socializer — the person who seems perfectly nice but they drain you. So, one must be aware that even though they seem nice, their spirits may drain you, and you have to give yourself permission to walk away. The final type is the one who goes for the jugular! This is a rare type, the type that really is out to get you”.
Dr. McKinley: “Are these the sociopaths? If so how do we protect ourselves from them?”
Dr. Orloff: “Yes, they are the sociopaths. They are the ones who are competitive, envious, and jealous, and will do everything possible to hurt you.” With these people it helps to use the techniques in the book. Breathe the negative energy out through the back of the spine, and create an environment that works for you. Speak up instead of tolerating it. Also burn sage and take hot baths to clean your aura, and be diligent with your self-care.”
Dr. McKinley: “Judith, I really appreciate all the work you have done to help people better their lives and relationships through the exercises, examples, and information in your new book “Positive Energy.” I know it has certainly helped me overcome great challenges in my own life. Thank you.”
Dr. Orloff: “You’re welcome. It has been my life’s work and I thank you with an open heart for helping me get this message out to the public. “
Dr. Maryel McKinley has a Doctor of Philosophy in Metaphysical Counseling, a Doctor of Divinity in Pastoral Counseling and is a Licensed Drug and Alcohol Counselor who has been a faculty member of Deepak Chopra’s multimedia project, “My Potential.” She was recently asked to appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show as the resident Addictionologist. For a free telephone counseling session, she may be reached at (949) 887-7957 or (816) 347-0027 or you may e-mail her at www.DrMaryelMcKinley.com
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