Successful and Rewarding Relationships
 Interview with 
Rev. Dr. David Phears
 By Vykki Morgan




Rev. David is the Community Spiritual Leader at Sangha, Center for Spiritual Living (dba Huntington Beach Church of Religious Science). Sangha Center is an inclusive spiritual community honoring all religious beliefs and teaches spiritual success tools for abundant living to further promote the message of peace, compassion and prosperity.

Vykki Morgan: Rev. David, what would you like to share with us about successful relationships?
Rev. David Phears:  To me, all relationships are spiritual, and there has to be a spiritual basis for all meaningful relationships. That is not something that I was born with, but a lesson I had to learn through many relationships that were definitely not spiritually-based. However they taught me valuable lessons.

I know now that the most intimate relationship a human being can have is with her or his spiritual essence or spiritual source. And from there, the door opens for the primary relationship, which is between me and myself — understanding my physical self after understanding my spiritual connection to all of life itself.

This can be even more difficult because so many of us have been reared, exampled, shown and told that we were ‘less than, not as good as, totally different than’ — or perhaps ‘better than, greater than, and even superior.’ In any one of those indoctrinations, we have been off track about our personal relationship with ourselves, our primary relationship. 

Because if indeed this creative essence has birthed us into this human experience with all these attributes and qualities, then my uncovering or discovering is simply an awareness of the fact that I am perfect, whole and complete right where I am — mistakes, warts and all!  

Once I allow myself to become comfortable and supported in that relationship — be it through prayer partners, professionals, or just loved ones who are truly connected to me — then I am in a place to be a good, positive, contributing and loving part of a secondary relationship. 

This secondary relationship is the door that opens to another person outside the traditional family or blood relationship. To be successful — whatever that means to the individual — for a relationship to be long term, it must become nurturing, forgiving, a place of growth, compassion and even more.

In order for all of these qualities to show up in a relationship, I’ve got to truly appreciate that those qualities are within me. I’ve got to know and recognize them within me because they are in the essence of the spiritual nature of who I am. 

Once that awareness is gained, once I begin to use the power of that knowledge, all of my choices concerning myself and other people reflect true caring and unconditional love. Then and only then ­— in my personal belief — am I truly open to having a successful personal relationship with another person. 

Vykki: Is that similar to The Secret’s “Law of Attraction?”
Rev. David: Yes, but this Law has been around longer than “The Secret” book, or most religions. This spiritual law is really a Universal Law. In other words, all the positive qualities I am now using in my choices to create a place for relationship to happen.

These are what will attract someone who has that same energy, that same consciousness, that same willingness, and that same vision. Then we can do our individual thing together in life and enjoy each other’s company along the way! Anything else is, “been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, got the scars, and don’t want a return ticket — thank you very much!”

Vykki: So focusing and preparing can allow that to happen successfully?
Rev. David: Yes. If we look at this thing called relationship, it really is ridiculous because we are not talking about personal relationship on only one level — there’s a whole other universe of relationships. This word means ‘my connection to something or someone.’

So again, how I treat others, how I interact with others, how I respond to others’ understanding or misunderstanding of me — all comes from and is based on the work I do between myself and my intimate connection with spiritual source. 

Vykki: Do you have any advice for people raising children now so our kids won’t have to struggle so much with these issues when they grow up?
Rev. David: From my experience, having raised eight children and still having one at home, I can tell you the greatest teaching tool parents have is in the relationship they example for their children between each other on a daily basis.

Vykki: What about spiritually-developed individuals who still feel they are having trouble creating successful and rewarding relationships?
Rev. David: What I will say to anyone who is in the position of looking for a relationship is to “Look for the closest mirror.” Because the ancient adage is: “That which you are seeking is seeking you.” So if you know what you desire in the form of a specific kind of relationship, then you have to begin to establish being in the place where that special relationship can happen. And that goes right back to the process we talked about earlier. 

Vykki: What is it that we don’t consider in terms of relationships? What is the most obvious thing that is right under our nose, yet we are still missing it?
Rev. David: The best way I can answer that is by sharing what I say to couples preparing to make a long-term commitment. I say: “Stop looking at what you want the other person to do for you or for your relationship, and begin to name and claim what it is that you are personally willing to give to that relationship to make it fulfilling and successful.” 

Vykki: What is going on now at Sangha Center that deals with enhancing relationships?
Rev. David: We have spiritually-centered classes that primarily deal with the first two types of relationships — the intimate and the primary; between you and yourself, as well as between you and your spiritual source.

We are also offering a Relationship Series beginning in early May, on Wednesday evenings at 7pm, using a concept called “Inner-Views” where we will talk to people who have successful relationships, or even challenging ones, or even ‘don’t-have-one-yet.’ We will explore how we can use spiritual or practical thinking tools to create a place where rewarding relationships can happen for anyone.
We will utilize Piero Ferrucci’s book, “The Power of Kindness,” where he notes that ‘being kind is a way of life that brings happiness to others as well as to those who practice it.’

Vykki: Thank you very much, Reverend David.
Rev. David: Thank you for letting me share my thoughts on relationships. I will close with my favorite motto:  “Walk in Balance.”

You can find more information about Rev. Dr. David Phears at www.davidphears.com or Sangha Center at www.sanghacenter.org  You may also listen to Rev. David’s talks on www.youtube.com, (under wdphears).

Sangha Center for Spiritual Living is located at 7641 Talbert Ave, Huntington Beach, CA 92646. Call (714) 596-0900 to obtain information about our programs.

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