Spirit and Relationships
Excerpt from “Beyond The
Secret: Spiritual Power
and the Law of Attraction”
By Dr. Lisa Love
When it comes to the law of
attraction, next to money, relationships have to be the hottest topic. In my
life, this is certainly the area in which I have used the law of attraction the
most. A number of times I have made up my “wish list” of all the characteristics
I wanted to have in a partner. I created a vision board that included visuals of
all the qualities I thought I wanted.
I have attracted partners who were good looking, had a lot of money, were
spiritual people, and more. But, I have also failed to see the shadow in myself
and others, and prevented myself from attracting relationships that were really
suited for me. Instead of beating myself up for these mistakes, I have learned
something that many law-of-attraction teachers frequently neglect:
Sometimes, if you attract a relationship that seems wrong, Spirit can teach you
how something of great value can still come out of it.
As you probably already know, though
relationships can provide pleasure and reward, they can also deliver their share
of hurt, pain, and misunderstanding. Whether intentional or not, at times others
may let you down. Learning how to cope with misunderstandings and
disappointments is essential to your mental health. Along with empathy and
compassion, forgiveness is one of the best methods for this.
Remember loving someone does not mean you give them power to mistreat or abuse
you. And, forgiveness doesn’t mean you give them a license to walk all over you
a second time. Forgiveness helps you reclaim your power since you seek empathy
and understanding, and no longer stay hooked in the dance of pain and blame.
One forgiveness process my clients and I have found particularly powerful comes
from learning to identify and give voice to what you would have preferred to
have happened. Too often we know what the other person did to wound us. But, we
seldom understand what it is we would have wanted, or preferred, them to say or
Let’s say, for example, someone failed to communicate something important to
you. You feel disappointed and hurt. You decide to forgive. But you still don’t
understand exactly what you would have needed or wanted to have helped the
process to be different.
Looking at what you preferred, you might discover that you wished the person
would have picked up the phone and notified you, or left you a quick note, or
risked sharing how she really felt before acting out in a hurtful way. The
possibilities behind this step are endless, but the beauty of engaging in an
exploration of what you would have preferred is that it helps you not only to
forgive someone, but to understand what you needed and wanted in the situation.
Knowing this opens up the possibility of actually sharing that preference with
the other person so you can both learn more and become more conscious about what
took place. This awareness helps prevent similar hurts, or misunderstandings,
from taking place again.
No matter what the relationship, there will be spiritual lessons to be learned.
Only by learning them will you be able to put negative patterns behind you and
move on to happier and healthier relationships. This is similar to knowing how
to deal with your relationship baggage.
As former dating advisor for
I needed to read a lot of profiles, ideally to help people improve theirs. Often
people would write that they had “no baggage,” or they were wanting someone with
“no baggage.” I couldn’t help thinking to myself either these people were
saints, or they were looking for saints. Finally, I spotted one profile that
made sense. This man understood that we all have baggage. He was just hoping the
woman he met could store hers in a small suitcase!
How can you minimize the baggage you are carrying in your life? Most important,
take time to learn from your relationships. Understand the mistakes you made.
Take time to heal, forgive, and forget. And make sure your heart is really open
to love, and to be loved, by another person. Then your baggage may not be so
hard to handle. And, others may even enjoy taking yours along as you spend time
It’s a wonderful notion. The idea of a
soul mate. But how come once you find him or her, you often end up
disappointed? Did you just end up with the wrong soul mate? Or is something
else going on? I for one, believe soul mates are first and foremost, soulful
Otherwise, you are really “ego mates,” mating from your various unfulfilled
needs, distortions, dysfunctions, desire for status and attention, and more. So
how do you avoid ego-mates and find soul mates? Here are some clues.
1. Become a Soulful Person. That’s right. Unless you are a soulful person it is
impossible to attract a soul mate. Even if you do meet someone who could be a
soul mate to you, your ego dysfunctions will make it difficult for you see, or
relate to, that person in a healthy way.
2. Understand Your Ultimate Destiny. Once you understand why you are here and
what contribution you are meant to make, it is easy to attract others to you who
wish to make the same kind of contribution. If part of your ultimate destiny is
to have a family, you will attract a partner who also wants a family and wishes
to raise children, as you do, in a spiritual way.
3. Grow Along the Way. Learning to become a soulful person isn’t always easy.
And it’s common to attract partners who have some spiritual maturing to do.
That’s why it is easy to make mistakes and attract plenty of “ego-mates” as you
go. Just learn from these relationships and become more soulful. This will help
increase your odds of finding truly soulful people.
4. Learn to Be Alone. Just in case you haven’t noticed, soulful people are a
rare breed. This means you may be spending time in your life without that
special someone. Learning to be alone without feeling lonely is important for
your spiritual development. And it gives you a chance to mate with the soul
within you, which is the best soul mate of all.
5. Build Your Circle of Support. The truth is that not all soul mates are meant
to be an
intimate partner. A parent, child, co-worker, friend, or boss can be a soul mate
too. Once you get over the idea of having only one special soul mate, a whole
new world opens up to you — of rewarding, loving, and fulfilling relationships
of all sorts.
Lisa started using the law of attraction in the early 1980’s and was trained as
a Law-of-Attraction coach. Because she was unhappy with the standard
law-of-attraction approach, she spent five years researching in-depth
law-of-attraction principles in relation to her Ph.D. dissertation on Wealth &
Her experience is combined with numerous degrees and decades of hands-on
training in psychology and spirituality (most of it focused on how to build a
healthy ego and infuse it with a more spiritual self).
Lisa’s spiritual background includes over ten years as a teacher of various
forms of meditation, and leading spiritual workshops and retreats throughout the
Dr. Lisa Love is the author of “Beyond the
Secret: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction.” Visit:
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