Motherhood and Choices
When Pregnancy Is Difficult
By Kathleen Downey, CSC, Shamanic Counselor and Past Life Therapist



The experts say that a housewife and mother has the most stressful of jobs, and the single motherís position of provider, nurturer, housekeeper, cook, organizer, decision maker, and friend, is the most stressful. Yet nothing deters a woman from fulfilling her maternal desires and her need to be a mother, with the exception of infertility or when difficulties arise in achieving a full-term pregnancy.

A large percentage of women who plan to be mothers in their mid-to-late thirties and early forties have been told that they cannot achieve a full-term pregnancy safely. In some cases we have proven this wrong and full-term pregnancy can be achieved through emotional and spiritual healing. Other women, who meet the requirements, opt to go through the twelve-to-fifteen-month procedures to adopt children.

If we follow the spiritual guidelines that teach us all things happen for a reason and that our children are our teachers, then we will trust the child we adopt is the child we were meant to have in our lives. Some mothers achieve an immediate bond with their adopted children and others take more time.

A few years ago a woman who had adopted two children, a boy and a girl, came to me. Her relationship with her adopted daughter was not as harmonious as she hoped, and she wanted to understand why this special young girl had come into her life and what she needed to do as a mother to make the relationship better. Her daughter was adopted at age six from an orphanage in Russia.

Through Shamanic Counseling and Soul Retrieval we discovered that my client had a difficult time with her own mother who was reserved in showing emotion. Subsequently she had no role model for the loving mother/daughter bond and her father had died in the Vietnam war when she was only ten years old. Our Shamanic counseling work gave her a firsthand experience of her motherís state of being which helped her understand her mother at the deepest level.

When she was a young child her mother suddenly found herself alone as a single mother, and it was overwhelming. There was no time for grieving, so it was a continuous state. Thirty years ago the single mother did not receive the practical assistance she needed, and unfortunately she still doesnít today. When we looked at her lineage she saw her grandmother was not available for her daughter and so the cycle continued.

I suggested that she bring her adopted daughter to me for a Soul Retrieval. She was abandoned at an orphanage and it seemed obvious that the pattern of abandonment, both emotionally and physically, was being shown as a theme issue in the feminine lineage of her family, adopted or not. The young girl from Russia had a birth defect ó  her left arm was missing, her hand which was claw-like grew out of her shoulder. Her right hand was also a clawhand. Aside from recovering the part of her that was traumatized by both of her birth defects and abandonment at birth, I saw she was connected to my clientís father in a recent past-life. I asked my client to be especially gentle and loving to her daughter over the next week as she might subconsciously remember some of these times of trauma.

At our next appointment my client reported that her daughter sobbed for several hours the night after her Soul Retrieval. I asked if she comforted her daughter who was releasing her grief, and she said after a few hours she finally went to her and held her, and she stopped crying and was much better.

Then I asked her to consider that this was a reflection of her motherís grief and even her own that needed _expression and emotional catharsis. I asked her how her relationship with her father was before he died. She said it was great, he was a very loving and gregarious man. I asked her how he died and she explained that his left arm had been cut off by the propeller of a plane.

At that time I guided her to see on a Shamanic journey what I had seen in my journey for her daughter. Her fatherís spirit had returned to her in the body of this little girl from Russia. She broke down and cried as she understood that now was the time for her to give back that loving and demonstrative display of emotion that her father gave to her ó the emotion she felt was lacking from her own grieving mother. This would change the feminine lineage of grief from abandonment. She confirmed that her adopted daughter, who was relatively quiet, ďfreaked outĒ when they put her on a plane to bring her to the U.S. Their mother-daughter relationship has since blossomed into a strongly-bonded and loving relationship.

For those women who understandably feel compelled to carry their own child and experience the miracle of giving birth, yet are having a difficult time with IVF or other help, may benefit from understanding the emotional/energetic issues that are underlying reasons that our bodies reject pregnancy. One of the many women who came to me about infertility issues is a doctor, a very determined young woman who wanted to have her own baby and had tried IVF several times over the course of two years, failing to get pregnant. She came every week for nearly four months, a reasonably short time period to achieve the goal of changing a long-held belief.

During her Soul Retrieval integration work we discovered that her father was not the ideal monogamous and supportive partner physically or emotionally to her mother. Her mother therefore was always under stress and very concerned about keeping her partner interested. Her role as a mother was secondary to this constant concern, and her appearance and moods when she was pregnant conflicted with her primary concern of keeping her partnerís interest.

My client was given the opportunity to understand her motherís position and how she herself was tied into this issue energetically. Our focus therefore was on helping her to see herself as an individual who could understand and love her mother, yet build separate beliefs about herself which we secured through her spiritual guides, Soul Retrieval and Past-Life therapy. These guides represent our true selves, they help us build a life based on who we are as individual spiritual beings.

Keeping ourselves separate from our motherís energy, issues and beliefs can be a lifelong endeavor which demands healthy emotional/energetic boundaries. We also had to make sure she felt safe within her own partnership and marriage. Seeing her marriage and relationship as separate from her parentsí relationship meant building a trust she was unfamiliar with. Her role models did not offer this trust as an example. Understanding her long-term or past-life soul relationship with her present-day husband would prove to secure that trust.

Through very deep soul-level work we managed to help her build trust in herself which meant building her beliefs on her spiritual strengths that were found through journeywork with her animal spirit guides who also, in the long run, showed her a child coming. Through her first-hand experience with her soulís history, her past-life, and her husband, she realized he would stand by her under any circumstance and she was able to become pregnant naturally. They are now happy parents of a two-year-old boy.

Kathleen Downey, is a Shamanic Counselor/Past-Life Therapist with fifteen years of experience. Her long-awaited book, ďMap of the Soul: Journey to the Soul Mate,Ē will be available to the public soon. She is based in the North County of San Diego and Los Angeles, and can be reached for private sessions at (858) 646-9808 or email her at . For information on workshops please visit

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