Is There A Divine Purpose for Relationships?
By Julie Hutslar
If we could look outside our personal realities to see what is really going on energetically, we might see a very different picture than what we are feeling. Letís take a look into the nature of relationships, for example. Seeing our most difficult relationships from our own viewpoints usually positions us as the victim. If we could look at the relationship from an energetic perspective, what might we see?
We already know some basic principles of energy; how energy of equal nature attracts itself, or that we draw what we emit, or that if an electrical current is running through a wire too small to handle it, the wire may become hot and potentially dangerous. Okay, what does that have to do with relationships? Well, if we were to look at the energy patterns behind the scene while we were interacting with a difficult parent or partner we just might see the deeper reasons for the relationship itself.
Thatís right. Knowing the reason we both drew each other into one anotherís life takes us firmly out of the victimís seat, and places us in a position of control and ultimate responsibility. So letís have a look. What does this energy picture look like? Do we see antagonism as the link holding two people together? Anger? Blame? Deceit? Guilt? Responsibility? Or is it karmic? Is there unfinished energy between us? Is there a desire to be understood and loved that is not being reciprocated, and nothing seems to rectify it? Who feels in control in these kinds of relationships?
How do we determine what is the tie that binds our loved ones, or sometimes not-so-loved ones, to us? What is the message we could get if only we knew the answers? I would like to start with a question. This question changes our perspective and turns the camera watching the relationship back onto us. After you have had an altercation, or an upsetting incident with your challenging person, ask yourself this question: How do they make me feel about myself?
Even though no one has the ability to make someone else feel anything, our feelings are our choices alone, the purpose of the question is to identify our response to something. What is it? Do they make you feel small, inferior, immature, overweight, angry, resentful, or misunderstood? Try to evaluate the situation calmly after the initial emotional attack wanes. Look only at your own emotional state and the quality of your self-esteem.
Do not attempt any advice or criticism of the other party. There is nothing we can do about them, only about our reactions to them. And our reactions are going to take us straight home to our deepest issues. So listen. How do you feel? If it is angry, ask why, if it is resentful, ask why? Get to a self-esteem issue, that means how do you feel about yourself because of your interaction with this person?
For example, a woman I know told me she had grown so much since her last relationship ended that she would never again tolerate a man like the one she left. She also went on to comment that if it hadnít been for that relationship, she would not be the woman she is. This difficult courtship forced her to stand up for herself, to defend her honor and integrity in a way that she never would have done without someone holding her down so hard it almost broke her. Everyone comes into our lives for reasons, and hopefully they donít always have to be painfully difficult, but it sure does seem like thatís how we tend to perceive them.
We may get a strong parent so we will have someone to act as a springboard to our higher selves when we finally muster the courage to stand up to them and find the strength that was always there, deep inside. Other times, we choose passive mates to mirror to us our inability to let anyone else have control in our world. Why do we have siblings who challenge so much, when all we want is to get along and have a loving relationship? Siblings often teach value, that we have worth exactly as we are, no matter what we perceive from them, our parents or others.
Everyone is placed in our lives to assist our soul growth. The first step is turning around the glasses we wear, looking at what we could get out of the challenge the relationship brings, and accepting the responsibility that we are co-creators of our lives. Then we can take apart the core emotions involving these relationships, to see how we can grow in awareness without ever pointing the finger of blame anywhere; either at them or ourselves.
And remember, we only have control over our own responses, not anyone elseís. When understood through the perception that we created, (most likely unconsciously and pre-birth) each difficult relationship can be seen as the spiritual gift it was meant to be, not the hardship which we have interpreted it.
Look at the ones pushing your buttons not as those who keep you firmly locked in a torture chamber, but as ones who offer the code to unlock your own limiting and outdated beliefs about yourself. And once you have successfully grasped the reason for them in your life, you may even find the energies of anger and resentment turning into to deep gratitude and love.
Julie Hutslar is the author of ďRelationships: Gifts of the Spirit ó How to view
challenging relationships as opportunities for growth,Ē and works in removing
outdated and limiting beliefs through intuitive healing. Visit:
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