Make A Relationship Special
. . .The Joy of Peak Moments
By Jonathan Robinson
Why do people travel halfway around the world to visit a place such as Disneyland, pay $40.00 to get in, and stand in line for an hour for a three-minute ride? Because, as human beings, we crave peak moments. The desire for an intense, special, extraordinary experience is one of our deepest desires. That Is one of the major reasons we like sex, falling in love, winning a big game, and weddings.
Yet, peak moments need not be reserved for such major events. You can learn to create them in daily life with people you care about. Once you learn the skill of creating special times for other people, your relationships will never be the same. People will want to know you, do business with you, and even marry you because you know how to create a sense of aliveness wherever you are. There are four key concepts that can help you create more peak moments with your friends, mate, co-workers, and family.
1. This is perhaps the most obvious, but also the most difficult: make extraordinary times with people you care about a priority in your life. If I said “I’ll give you $50,000 if you can create a peak moment with your mate or co-worker this month,” could you do it? I bet you could. Simply by having enough motivation, you would find a way. After all, you have shared special moments with people before. How would you do it? You somehow created a special event, setting, or mood that had an aura of uniqueness to it. Well, I can’t give you fifty grand to do it again. However, if you make this idea a priority in your life, the rewards you receive will be worth more than just money.
Many years ago, I used to visit old-age homes. When I talked to people about their lives, they would often convey a special moment they remembered, such as kissing their mate under a waterfall, or a romantic dinner shared under the stars. When I would ask them to convey some of their advice and wisdom to me, the most frequent theme was the importance of really “going for it” in life. One 90-year-old woman named Vye pleaded with me, “Don’t get lost in all the trivial, mundane stuff in life. Remember to create magic times you will remember with the people you love.” Great advice from a very wise woman.
2. Be fully yourself. What does that mean? It means saying what you really think and feel, and doing what you really want to do. Children are fully themselves naturally, and that is one reason why they are so easy to love. In this age of mediocrity, machines, and mechanical behavior, people thirst for authenticity and aliveness. One way to tap into being fully yourself is to ask the question, “How would I be different if I weren’t inhibited by fear or other people’s opinion of me?” Would you be more honest, more outrageous, or more unusual? Most people would.
When I was in high school, my best friend Brian decided he was going to be fully himself. He began wearing unusual clothes that he liked, rather than what was currently “in”. He would say whatever was on his mind, such as his true opinion of an arrogant teacher or a snobbish girl. He even started playing his favorite game, Mahjong, right in the middle of the main lunch hangout.
Within two months, he went from being an unknown kid to the most popular student on campus. When Brian was around, there was always laughter, unpredictability, and aliveness. It was wonderful. He showed me that stepping beyond one’s fear could be a magnetic force that powerfully attracts people.
3. Be willing to plan special moments. Many peak moments simply come from being spontaneous, or being fully yourself. Yet, many don’t. Being willing to carefully plan such experiences will give you an added approach to making them happen. So how can you create such an experience for someone you care about? The key is to know what someone else would greatly enjoy. Does he or she like surprises, such as a birthday party or a trip to a beautiful spot in nature?
Does he or she like gifts, such as flowers, or perhaps a favorite meal delivered at home? By knowing a person, you should be able to make a good guess as to what would be appreciated. If you’re planning a peak moment for someone you don’t know very well, ask his or her friends what they think would be greatly enjoyed.
A good rule of thumb is that, the more unique an experience is, the more it will be remembered. Having flowers delivered to your office is nice, but if the person delivering the flowers breaks out in a song of love or congratulations, you’re more likely to remember it. One of the more memorable times in my life was when, for my birthday, a friend rented weather balloons filled with helium to send me flying skywards in a lawn chair. Such experiences are not easily forgotten.
4. In order to powerfully affect someone, tell the person you’re sharing a special moment with what he or she means to you. Most people are practically starving to hear words of appreciation. We all want to be valued and acknowledged, but there are few forums for doing so in today’s busy culture. On the same birthday with the helium balloons, my friends each shared a story about how I had positively impacted their lives. It was very powerful for me to hear how I had touched them. More than the helium balloons and lawn chair, I’ll always remember how I felt when friends expressed their feelings about me.
With the four keys I’ve described here, you can unlock the doors to many magical experiences. Creating peak moments for those you care about is not only fun and rewarding, but it is also contagious. Soon, you may find your mate, friends, and co-workers creating such experiences for you.
This article is an excerpt from “Shortcuts to Success: The Best Ways to Master Your Money, Time, Health and Relationships”. Jonathan is a professional speaker and author of seven books available at local bookstores, or on www.Amazon.com . You may access additional articles on his website at www.howtotools.com .
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