Creating Real Relationships 
By BrendaAnn Seay



Picture yourself having peaceful, harmonious, and fulfilling relationships in your life, where you feel totally supported and very close.  We all have many types of relationships, yet it is important to remember our primary relationship is the relationship we have with ourself.  Some of us have had a tendency to overlook this fact and rely heavily on our relationships with other people.  While there is nothing wrong with relying on others, our relationships are truly a reflection of our relationship with ourself. 

The more complete and in harmony we feel with all aspects of ourself, the more peace and harmony we find with others. When things are missing, or out of balance within ourself, we tend to seek others to fill in that gap. These subtle expectations can create tension in relationships as the other person experiences this need as a demand. Even if you are both unaware of this consciously, there is a level of tension occurring, and both people tend to become frustrated . 

It is very helpful to remind ourself that we are always continuing to strengthen our real relationship within ourself.  Our relationships with others are really a wonderful source of awareness and motivation for our own continued growth. Whatever seems to be difficult in our relationship with another person points to the area we need to develop within ourself. When we understand that our relationships are reflections of our relationship within, we take responsibility for our part in the dance.  This relieves some of the pressure in the relationship, and the other person feels a sense of relief. 

When we are centered within, we begin to look at the people in our life in a different way.  Rather than looking through eyes of lack and blame, we look at theirs through eyes of compassion.  We step outside of our own drama and see the other person is also developing and strengthening their own real relationship within.  This is a wonderful human growth experience. The simple words, “I understand,” can be very meaningful and supportive.  In our relationships with others we can choose to celebrate this growth rather than to fear it.  When we view this as natural, our relationships can become joyous adventures. With this understanding there are some ways we can enhance this glorious dance of relationships. 

1.) Realize we will have needs.  Rather than demanding these needs be met, or sacrificing ourself by ignoring our needs, we can make requests from a peaceful, centered place.  It is important to first find our peace and calm within.  Then we can make a request that does not sound like a demand. The more calm we are, the clearer we become as to what we really want and need from others; then we can make our requests clearly.  Believe it or not, other people are not mind readers and usually have no idea what we really want.  It is our responsibility to tell them in a gentle, loving way.  This creates a much better chance of our request being met. 

2.) Honor and respect all aspects of another.  Looking through eyes of compassion we can develop great reverence for another’s journey. Each person has a tender place inside that will grow when nurtured, loved, and cared for. No matter how tough someone appears on the outside, we have no idea what they may be feeling within.  All of us experience many feelings and emotions whether we show them or not.  It is important to remind ourself of this often and to value a person’s efforts. 

3.) Show appreciation for others.    We can always find things, no matter how small, to appreciate about another. For relationships to continue growing, we must continue to show our appreciation. Kind words of gratitude can create miracles. 

As our relationships reflect this appreciation and understanding back to us we now experience joyous relationships that are truly a celebration of life.  And we become stronger in our real relationship within! 

BrendaAnn Seay is a Professional Life Coach and Speaker in Huntington Beach, CA. She works with people who want to connect with their real self, attain clarity, and enhance relationships.  She also presents seminars, officiates weddings, and facilitates a weekly Course In Miracles group.  She can be reached at (714) 962-5344 or e-mail: .

Return to the May/June Index page