The Heart of the Matter

Four Chambers for Authentic Relationships

By Sonia Choquette

 

Right now, all of us… all human beings on the planet are being asked to evolve a more spirited, conscious, direct connection with our authentic self. We are moving away from a fear-based, idealistic foundation of relationships and toward a foundation that is grounded in our soul and guided by our vibes. It’s through this authenticity that we are able to experience the romance and real, soul-to-soul connection that motivates and feeds our relationships.

In order to be authentic, and have the kind of relationships with others that we yearn for, we must listen from the four chambers of our heart which really represents our capacity to be ourselves. By allowing ourselves to be seen for who we are, and see others for who they are, we let go of the filters that damage our relationships. In ridding ourselves of these filters, we can actually begin to love one another and experience one another purely. Together we create a relationship experience that is more harmonious and empowered.

In my book, The Answer is Simple, I talk about listening from each of the four chambers of the heart. By practicing this, you’ll be able to see why they need to be involved when it comes to having the kind of relationship you want. Let’s start with the upper right chamber:

The “Open Heart” or your “Inner Child” is usually the part of your heart that initiates any relationship. Have you ever looked back on a relationship and wondered: “How did I get involved with that person?” It was the child in you who wanted to be with that person; who saw something fun or wonderful, making you feel enthusiastic and impulsive. You were excited! It is the part of you that is receptive, eager, open and available.

How open are you; not just to another person but to life in general? Have you gotten disconnected from your inner child? Have you forgotten how to be open, receptive, excited, curious, eager, fun and available?

To open your heart, you have to start listening to and caring for your inner child, making yourself available to it before you can be available to others.

Start with allowing yourself to be heard, comforted, reassured and easily entertained. Relaxing those stiff boundaries can open a floodgate of play. This is your responsibility and something I invite you to really consider.

The “Clear Heart” is the second chamber on the lower right. This is the heart of your “inner adult” and the part of you that asks you to be clear, honest and take responsibility for the quality of your life, and for the energy you bring to the people you relate to. When this chamber is unclear, it can spell big problems in relationships. You end up feeling like a victim asking: “Why did this happen to me? Why did you do this to me? Why are you acting like this? Why are you so offensive?” When your Clear Heart is unclear, you end up taking everything personally.

I go there sometimes and when I do, my relationships suffer as long as I stay in that unclear “victim-y” kind of heart. If you are sitting in that heart, being the victim and not taking responsibility for being clear and objective, you’re not willing to say: “This is happening. What do I have to do with it? What choices am I making? What expectations do I have? What behaviors am I choosing and doing that are causing me to be unhappy?” Or, “What am I doing that works?” The Clear Heart is the heart of responsibility. You really can not have healthy, spirited, uplifting relationships if your heart isn’t clear.

Now, people are people and they do cause pain. And, if your heart is not clear, you are going to be unavailable to authentic relationships either happening or improving in your life because you won’t be empowered by your choices. Start asking yourself: “Where do I need to get clearer?” in order to either create or improve the quality of relationships in your life today.

The “Wise One” is the upper left chamber of the heart and houses our ancient spirit and our spirit of compassion, understanding and forgiveness. If we’re not accessing this chamber, we’re not going to be able to have the kind of relationship that we long for, one that is gentle, nurturing and growth-supporting, and yes, loving. If we don’t have the power to forgive, the compassion to accept one another or the willingness to understand one another, the relationship isn’t going to go very far. You can ask yourself: “How forgiving am I? Can I really see another with compassionate eyes?”

People struggle just like you. They may show up with all kinds of crazy behavior but if we can access our wise heart and remember they are trying their best, doing what they know with the tools they have at the moment, we can see past what we don’t like and into the heart of the authentic spirit buried underneath those crazy-making behaviors.

The “Courageous Heart” is the fourth and final chamber in the lower left. This is the chamber of the heart  that really asks you to get past your discomfort, past your defenses, your resistance and be a little more available, a little more vulnerable, authentic and truthful with the people you are in relationships with. And how do you do that?

You can start by acknowledging your mistakes. Own what you’ve done wrong. Own your upsets. Ask for what you need without creating drama around the asking. Open up. Have the courage to be available. Take risks and step out of your comfort zone and relate in a more genuine and receptive way. In doing this you pave the way for deeper trust to occur between you and those you love, and that is essential to the kinds of relationships that touch our soul and spirit and leave us feeling as though we are genuinely connecting and feeling deeply loved.

This week, meditate on each of the chambers and ask your spirit, ask your inner voice to guide you. “How can I be more open?” Then, write it down. “How can I be a little clearer?” Tune in. Listen to your spirit. Write it down. “How can I exercise a little more wisdom, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness with myself and others?” Ask your higher self, your spirit, to give you the ability to write down what comes through. Finally, “Where am I being a coward? Where am I not taking risks?” Where am I hiding behind my facades and not allowing others in? Write that down, as well.

Then start taking action on each of these things, one step at a time. This is a big lesson so take it in baby steps. Today try being a little more open, for example. Be playful, and have fun with your beloved or, if not in a relationship, with friends. You can even have fun alone. Tomorrow, try being a little less “victim-y” and a bit more responsible for the role you play in the way your relationships are unfolding. Don’t play gotcha’ with yourself or others.

Rather explore the question, “ I wonder how I can take more responsibility in my relationships?” and allow your spirit to answer. I think you’ll be really impressed at how quickly relationships of all kinds improve by bringing in all the facets of your beautiful loving heart into your relationships with others. It will lift you and others up and you’ll quickly start feeling the love you are seeking. I promise.

Sonia Choquette is a spiritual teacher, six-sensory consultant, storyteller, and visionary guide known for her delightful humor and skill in quickly shifting people out of difficulty and into flow. She is the author of 19 best-selling books on intuitive awakening, personal growth, creativity, and transformational leadership, including the New York Times bestseller “The Answer Is Simple.” Her work has been published in over 37 languages, making her one of the most widely-read experts in her field. Visit: SoniaChoquette.com