Living The Soulful Life
Scott Kalechsteinís Guide To
Self-Help Bestsellers and Movies
By Scott Kalechstein
Conversations With Lucifer, Neal Donald Walsh, after a few too many, finds himself conversing with the devil. Satan speaks freely about the state of the world, the New Age, and his three favorite inventions: television commercials, fast food, and HMOís. Here is a sample of the dialogue:
Walsh: What do you think about New Agers?
Lucifer: Hate em. They want to take responsibility for everything. They wonít blame me for the bad stuff anymore, and when folks donít blame me, they donít fear me. And if they donít fear me, then I might as well throw in the pitchfork. Another thing . . . theyíre always choosing positive attitudes. I give em hell, and they find a way to make it heaven! As far as Iím concerned, New Agers are the Anti-Satan. They donít even believe I exist. What do you think that does for my self-esteem?
Walsh: You sound like you are complaining, Satan. What exactly is it that you want?
Lucifer: Of course Iím complaining. I invented complaining. What do I want? A return to the good old days! Everyone was trying to follow hell-fire and brimstone rules and feeling guilty as hell when they didnít behave like angels. Now those are the kind of people I like to play with!Ē
Chicken Soup For Dummies ó Easy-to-read, inspirational real life stories, each under a page, and each followed by a simple sentence spelling out the moral. Forward by George W. Bush.
The Original Four Agreements ó News Flash! Two Dons in a literary war! Don Miguel Ruiz has just confessed that his best-selling book The Four Agreements was stolen from secret writings authored by the Dapper Don himself, ex-Mafia chief John Gotti. Gotti, in prison, has just released his book to the public, an exclusive survival guide for anyone interested in joining the Mafia and using the experience to evolve spiritually. His original four agreements are as follows:
1. Be careful with your words (Talking trash about the boss could end you up in the trash.)
2. Donít take it personally (Itís just business.)
3. Donít assume nothing (Your partner may be a friend, but then again, he might be setting you up to be axed.)
4. Always get the job done (Or else!) (John Gotti, by the way, is turning out to be a model prisoner. He facilitates a daily support group for incarcerated Mafia members wanting to open their hearts entitled Forgive and Forget About It!)
Dogs Are From Jupiter, Cats Are From Saturn ó By John Gray ó Having taught us all he knows about human relationships, John Gray turns his planetary gaze towards our beloved pets. Includes such practical advice as: A) What to do when your dog wants affection and your cat needs space; B) How to get an emotionally unavailable cat to come out of her cave and express love; C) How to tell a dog you donít want to sleep with him without hurting his feelings; and D) How to get your cat to express her anger without peeing on your carpet or shredding your drapes.
Tuesday (Nights) With Laurie ó A young man shares the wisdom and life lessons learned from his weekly visits with an aging call girl.
The Cellophane Prophecy ó James Redfield writes of a disillusioned businessman, tired of his phony and plastic life, who goes on a quest for greater transparency. He journeys to Peru to locate ten new insights written on cellophane . . . insights that have the power to change the world and keep it fresh for a long time. Greedy executives from huge corporations who want the world to stay just the way it is try to prevent him from obtaining the insights. He falls in love with one of the corporate biggies, who seduces him into leaving Peru and joining her at a Club Med in Cancun, where he synchronistically finds clues to the first three insights at the bottom of his margaritas, but is too intoxicated to do anything about them.
A Course In Network Marketing ó A channeled book reportedly authored by Jesus. Here is the introduction: ďThis is a course in Network Marketing. It is a required course. Free will does not mean you can live your entire life without joining a Network Marketing Company. It does mean that you can elect when you finally give in and what company you join.Ē This course is currently sweeping the nation and was started by two professors at Columbia University, tired of their meager salaries, who joined forces while sharing the thought, ďThere has got to be a better pay.Ē
Feel The Fear And Eat It Anyway ó A guide for eating in third-world countries. Susan Jeffers wrote this handbook to help travelers in exotic locations cope with what they find on their plate. Also applies to eating at your in-laws for the first time.
Close Encounter Groups Of The Third Kind ó Steven Spiel-berg and Carl Rogers team up to direct this psychological thriller about a random collection of American citizens who are kidnapped by extra-terrestrials and forced to participate in confrontational group therapy aboard their Catharships.
Bambo ó A once mild-mannered deer, fed up with hunters and the NRA, organizes his species to fight back. Charlton Heston and Arnold Schwarzeneggar get paid big bucks to get their butts kicked by bucks. (Produced by Jerry Bruckenheimer in association with Walt Disney).
Look out for my next column, when Iíll be reviewing Debbie Does Sedona, the hardcore tan-tric flick which sparked the Motion Picture Academy to come up with a new rating, Vortexxx. Also reviewed will be the books, Soul Dyslexic The For Soup Chicken, Awakening The Genius Within For Dummies, Zen And The Art Of Watching Soap Operas, and Iím The Christ And Youíre Not So Bad Yourself, by Terry Cole Whitaker, the author of that runaway bestseller, What Other People Think Of Me Is Good For My Business.
Scott Kalechstein can be visited on his website at http://www.scottsongs.com If you like his writings, you are invited to sample his inspirational music in the recordings section of his website. His CD, Levitational Pull, contains twenty deliciously humorous personal growth related songs. His e-mail address is email@example.com .
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