By Robin D. Duncan, Miracle Coach
I looked for it everywhere and finally, after an exhaustive search, I found it. It wasn’t easy. It was in a most unlikely place. When you lose something so precious, there is a drive that sets in; a commitment to find it at all costs. In my case, I lost something crucial, an essential part of myself. There was a big gaping hole in the center of me, representing all the love I had forgotten. I looked for it in relationships; longing for someone to give it to me. I searched for it in my work; hoping to spot it and put it back in place. It was a quiet and “not-so-obvious” search. If you looked at me, you would have seen a face of contentment; my shelter from a cold inward reality. The gaping hole was known only to me as a tormenting reminder of what I had lost.
As much as I wanted to love and be loved, I couldn’t find it anywhere. Even when loved ones would pass away, I would miss them terribly but my heart was locked in a tomb. There were no tears. There was only remorse for the emptiness inside. I watched as others cried, wishing I could feel and move beyond the dormancy. I labeled myself as shallow and moved ahead as if I had a sense of direction.
The greatest thing about darkness is that when you have had enough of it, you start looking for light. Darkness is the homing device that ultimately leads us back home. In A Course in Miracles it states “Learn to be quiet in the midst of turmoil, for quietness is the end of strife.” Thank God for that…that there is an end of strife.
Looking back, I have tried to recall the experiences that led me to love and feel loved again. There wasn’t any one event or circumstance, but there was a common theme. Every time I searched for love outside myself, the gaping hole widened. Each time I turned inward, I was gently shown the barriers I had placed against love, and one by one, the barriers came down. With a willingness to question what I called reality, the radiance of the love unfolded itself like a shining ray through the clouds.
When the tears finally came, it was like a sprinkle followed by a downpour. After a long drought, the tears burst forth like prisoners of war. It was as if one tear showed the other ones where to go… and then each one followed the other until the dam weakened. Once the dam broke, it was hopeless. The tears fell during happy times, sad times, silly times and bad times. Each tear played a powerful role in setting me free again.
Along the way, I was reminded that our Source and Creator is the “giver” of life and that we are “receivers.” Once we accept what we have been given, then we can give or extend what we have received. As a ray of sun unto the sun, we are the extension of the light. We then extend that light unto the universe, becoming co-creators with our loving Source.
I realized that in my quest to “get” love from other receivers, it would be like two vacuum hoses being drawn together. You might stick together, but for all the wrong reasons! I learned that, as a receiver, all I had to do was remember the true giver, my Source and Creator. A Course in Miracles says we only have one problem. We think we have many problems, yet our one and only problem is that we think we are separate from God. This deception has led us to experiences of illness, suffering, poverty, loneliness and despair.
It became obvious to me that I was looking for love in all the wrong places, and it was no wonder I couldn’t find it. It was apparent that if I wasn’t experiencing love, joy, abundance, health and prosperity on a consistent basis, then I didn’t know my Creator. So back to the drawing board I went. I stopped looking for love outside myself. I stopped beckoning other “receivers” to rescue me from my self-deception, and I set out to know God; the giver of everything.
The shift took some discipline, as old habits die hard! Yet, the Course reminded me that all I needed to do was to be willing to know and look to my Creator for everything, and my Creator would find a way back to me. It asked me to be vigilant for God and I agreed. I began to see myself and the world differently. I became more accepting of others, as I wasn’t trying to get them to “do” or “give” me anything. I stopped looking to other receivers to be my Source. The once gaping hole became filled with love; a love so indigenous to my heart that even my greatest illusions couldn’t keep it away.
Robin D. Duncan is a Certified Instructor for The National Guild of Hypnotists
and the Executive Director of The Miracle Center of California. The Miracle
Center is a School for Certification in Hypnotherapy, and offers private
sessions and a variety of classes to the public. (888) 773-9174. Visit:
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