How Your Energy Can Affect Your Child

By Melissa Kay, MFT

I can still remember when I was a child caught up in my internal play world where all was well. In an instant happiness could be drawn out of me when my parents entered the room. Depending on their mood, mine would change. If they were angry, I would feel scared, and if they were sad, I would want to make them happy. I spent much of my years trying to figure out what would please them, and along the way I forgot one person, myself.

Working with children and teens, I realize that most parents unconsciously spiral their emotions out of control, looking outside for what would soothe them and bring them the peace and happiness for which they are searching. In a parent’s disconnected state they see their children not as they truly are, but as the projections they put on them.

When we work on our inner world to create peace, kindness, and love from the inside, we see the world differently and our world responds to what we project out. This is especially true for children. They reflect what we put out emotionally and energetically. When we are disconnected we cannot see the good in another or guide them back to their connection.

This contributes to much of the chaos and drama children experience and react to growing up. Parents forget that their job is not to condemn and correct, but to hold a space of unconditional love, support, peace and acceptance for themselves first, and then whomever is present including their children.

Children are more tuned into their natural state of joy. If we could see them as knowing and thriving more often, this is what they would project. Just like us, children meet challenges that take them away from their good feelings. When a child exhibits anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, or any other negative emotion, our calm energy and kindness can guide them back to a better place.

Children will respond very well to this. If we react negatively to their pain, we create more. If we let their experiences and pain become ours, we have no way to soothe and inspire them to a better place. Much of the time they reflect how we feel.
We can only change ourselves, and then watch the miraculous changes exhibited in the people around us, including our children. Be authentic with them about your feelings, and show them how you soothe yourself to a better place when negative emotions come up. Children learn how to respond to life by watching their parents. The challenges are only there to help us decide what we truly want in our life and to turn in that direction.

We would benefit from practicing good feeling thoughts, peace, joy, and balance daily through meditation, affirmations, exercise, therapy, or anything else that helps us connect with who we really are. Then are we truly able to help our children keep their joyful connection. Seeing ourselves as worthy, uniquely beautiful individuals helps us see this in our children, for we can only see in others what we see in ourselves! We knew our worthiness coming into this world, and although we may have forgotten, our children may still remember!   

Children want parents to understand that although they are smaller, they are wise, knowing and capable beings. They came into this world as bright souls choosing to create wonderful lives. When we get angry with a child for not doing what we deem they “should” do, they may act out, rebel, or in some cases lose their spirit! Children are not here to do what we think is “right” and “wrong.”  They are here to be the divine creators they are. When we approach them with this knowing, and stay connected to who we are, they will thrive.

The key to helping children grow and thrive and be who they truly are is to love the child in ourselves. The child who gets scared, lonely, sad, angry and disappointed.

The child who took on our parent’s pain and anger. The child who wants life to work out, to make good decisions, and have good relationships. The child who wants to be loved and accepted for who they truly are. The child who wants to be heard, seen and encouraged. Hold that child close and see how precious and courageous they are. Then we can do the same for our children.

Melissa Kay is a Marriage Family Therapist specializing in counseling children and teens in Playa Vista, CA. She helps children, teens and parents lead joyful, healthy, balanced lives. She believes that each child is a unique emanation of God. She also runs the Los Angeles Positive Parenting Group (www.meetup.com/The-Los-Angeles-Positive-Parenting-Meetup-Group). Please visit: www.melissakaycounseling.com