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How to Tell If You’ve Gotten M.A.D.
(Money Anxiety Disorder)
By Hollis Colquhoun
After the holiday cheer fades and reality sets in, financial issues usually take center stage. As the economy continues to struggle with high unemployment, tight credit, declining home values and high foreclosure rates, husbands and wives are finding it harder than ever to cope with their financial problems.
In 2008 an American Psychological Association survey found that 80% of the respondents said the financial crisis was causing them a significant amount of stress. With all of this anxiety over money, particularly in women, psychology professionals are officially recognizing a new affliction: Money Anxiety Disorder. Unfortunately, this condition doesn’t appear suddenly or without warning, but can fester beneath the surface for years if it isn’t addressed.
When a relationship begins, most couples don’t share their credit scores, feelings about money or their financial goals. Even though they may each have a job and personal income, once the two of them get married and decide to start a family, the wife usually leaves or suspends her career to have and care for the children.
Then a disconnect develops between the wife, husband and the household income, and often, an open financial dialogue doesn’t take place. Combine this lack of communication with today’s overall financial uncertainty, and Money Anxiety Disorder attacks with a vengeance.
Women are getting M.A.D. because they are not the major breadwinners in the marriage and don’t feel financially educated or empowered. An old saying, “He who makes the gold makes the rules,” is often the mantra that defines a financial relationship between husband and wife.
Since the husband is bringing home a paycheck he feels an ownership of the money and takes charge of the finances. Even though the wife is managing the household and the children, she loses sight of her worth in monetary terms.
The Money Anxiety Disorder occurs when a combination of confusion and fear permeates a woman’s thoughts about her financial life and future. If a close financial partnership wasn’t set up at the beginning of the marriage, it is hard to establish one years down the road. So, how can the wife recognize and alleviate her M.A.D symptoms?
These are five tell-tale signs indicating you’ve gotten M.A.D.:
1. You have an overall sense of fear or dread thinking about money.
2. You are in a panic about your husband’s or your own job security and income.
3. You have a constant fear that your financial safety net (retirement and emergency savings) will disappear forever.
4. There’s a feeling of confusion, anxiety and shame about your lack of financial knowledge and awareness.
5. You feel upset at the lack of communication between you and your partner regarding your personal finances, and most discussions about money quickly turn to arguments.
How to Cure M.A.D. Mania:
1. Realize that money and money matters are not scary, they are just math. Not knowing anything is scary. Tell your husband you are concerned about your health (because you are anxious all the time) and afraid of how you would handle the finances if something happened to him.
Explain that you would like to sit down with him to go over the numbers together so he could “teach“ you. Set a day and time for a “money date.” Gather together (ideally with his help) all of the household statements and bills so you can create a monthly budget and “cash-flow statement” during your date.
The “cash-flow statement” is just what it sounds like, a calculation of the money or income coming into the household measured against money going out or expenses. If more money is coming in than going out there’s a positive balance which can be turned into savings, but if the balance is negative then either income has to go up or expenses have to go down.
Remember... knowledge is power. Once you learn the facts and numbers you can develop open communication and build a strategy together. Following a clear financial plan with your husband will eliminate a lot of your anxiety and fear.
2. Contact a NON-PROFIT credit counseling agency if you need help. If you’re faced with a large amount of debt and not enough income to support basic expenses plus monthly loan payments, a counselor will review your budget, income, assets (what you own) and liabilities (what you owe) then offer possible solutions and resources.
To locate a legitimate non-profit agency in your area go to NFCC.org (National Foundation for Credit Counseling) or AICCCA.org (Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies). You can also call any of the listed agencies for a phone consultation.
3. Understand that the market goes up and down, continuously, every day, but over the long-term should go up. Certainly investments can lose value on paper but it isn’t a realized loss until they‘re actually sold. Focus on what you can control in your financial life and take a longer view of the market. If you have one, speak to your financial advisor or retirement plan manager about your concerns. To get a wide range of information on finance-related topics and available resources go to MyMoney.gov.
4. De-stress by exercising. Anxiety can take a physical toll on your heart, head, neck, back and shoulder muscles. The temptation is to sit and stew but that won’t help either your mind or your body. Pick a form of exercise you like — jogging, pilates, tennis, yoga, kick-boxing — and take an hour or two per week away from it all. Meditation and hypnosis are also good ways to reduce stress and anxiety.
Money Anxiety Disorder is real but not fatal. There are steps you can take to overcome it — get educated on personal finance basics, start a money dialogue with your partner, create a financial plan together and seek help if you need it.
Financial expert Hollis Colquhoun has more than thirty years of experience in the financial industry. She is co-author of the award-winning book, “Women Empowering Themselves: A Financial Survival Guide” and holds black belts in Karate and Tae Kwon Do. Hollis is passionate about teaching women in particular, and adults in general, good personal and financial self-defense moves. Contact Hollis at HollisC.com or WomenEmpoweringThemselves@gmail.com
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