Are you aware of the energy of your words?
By Jim Kinney
What is Energetic Communication? It is an exchange of energy and is our primary method of communicating. Our words are only a vehicle that we use to achieve this energetic exchange. Studies show that we respond approximately 90% to the energy on which the communication is delivered and approximately 10% on the words we hear. At first this ratio may seem like it's a bit extreme, but let's take a look at a few things before we pass judgment. Then you can decide if this is true for yourself or not.
What Is This Energy?
It is the stuff that everything is made of and responds to. It is living and vibrating life-force energy that never dies. Without it, nothing can exist. It has no set form that it's limited to. It can take on any form at any given time. And once complete with the experience will return to pure energy once again. We use this same energy in order to deliver our communication.
With our intellect, we have developed a communication system of speaking, but no matter how sophisticated our communication becomes, our words still travel on this living energy. And this energy with which we deliver our words greatly affects how another person energetically receives and responds to it. Unfortunately, the majority of our society is presently living unaware as to how this energy is operating in our lives.
Conscious Or Not
Typically during our normal everyday communication we do not pay much attention to the effects that the energy of our words carry. Instead we have a habit of trying to focus only on hearing the words that are being spoken. This is primarily due to our conditioning, what we were taught growing up. We were taught that our words carry the highest meaning. By trying to make this true for ourselves, we have unknowingly created a feeling of separation in our communication. This is why we often have difficulty understanding each other and why our communication affects people the way it does.
This energetic misunderstanding shows up in every aspect of our lives. This leaves us feeling misunderstood and not sure why. In our confusion we wonder, "What's the big deal?" The big deal could be that we are not aware and/or don't understand the energy on which we deliver our words. Knowing this, it should start becoming clearer as to how we create the inability to be aware of the energy of our words.
We each have our own reasons and beliefs for being disconnected and shut off from our emotional body, unable to feel our own energy. The difficulty is that we are usually unaware of it at the time and do not realize what's happening. All we know is that we are reacting out of proportion to the situation and do not know how to stop it. This often raises questions like, "What if I say something to someone and they go ballistic? Isn't it just their problem? Aren't we all responsible for our own reaction?" In one way yes, but in the form of unconscious energetic communication, I would have to answer, no, not entirely true. We are all responsible for our own energetic reaction; this is true. However, we are also responsible for the energy on which we deliver our communication. If we are communicating unaware, then it's more our problem than it is the receiver's. Know that this level of communication requires that all persons involved become fully aware and conscious of their energy when communicating and the beliefs they hold inside.
Why The Communication Problem?
For decades we have continually denied and closed ourselves to our emotions, feelings and our intuition. This has resulted in many people having great difficulty with being aware of their own feelings, emotions and energy. This is often why our words don't match the energy of our communication.
For instance, if you don't know you are upset and you are trying to tell someone that you are not upset, but you are sounding upset. The other person hears you as being upset and may say, "Why don't you just tell me you are upset because I can hear it in your voice," which only makes you more upset because you are saying, "No, I'm not upset," as you become more upset. What a vicious circle we create.
Here's another example of energy not being congruent with words. Your mate says, "I love you" and you respond, "Yah, I love you too," only you do it very haphazardly with a sarcastic tone. Your mate hears the words, "I love you," but doesn't feel love in the transaction. So, as in the example, if you find that you are speaking "incongruently," your mate's body may not feel as though it received love, rather it will feel as though it was pacified or patronized.
When this discrepancy is present, many people don't understand why. They are left with no other choice than to feel defensive towards the communicator and the receiver always perceives defense as attack. Once we feel attacked, we defend ourselves, which is perceived once again as attack. This causes us to go round and round in the argument or fight circle.
How often have you seen this scenario played out? Someone asks a question of another, secretly looking for a particular answer, but doesn't speak it to the other person. The other person can feel that there is something incongruent about the question and may feel that the other person is looking for a specific answer but not sure as to what it is. So, they go ahead and answer the question based on what they think the other person wants to hear, only to find out that it's not the right answer. The person asking the question begins to get upset. This is called an "unspoken expectation" and is a set up for failure.
An unspoken expectation leaves the receiver with the feeling of having to guess what the communicator is looking for. There is absolutely no way to win with unspoken expectations and this path leads only to destruction.
Operating unconscious/unaware of this energy is the demise of all our relationships. They are doomed to fail from the beginning. We are continuously arguing, fighting, having short-lived relationships and many marriages ending up in divorce after a few years. We feel as though we are unable to get what we truly desire out of life. All this because we are continuously suppressing, hiding, separated from and not admitting to what's going on or owning up to anything. Know that when you are operating externally like nothing's wrong, while your insides are screaming, your true feelings will leak out into your communication. Thus, when you're trying to communicate on a conscious level that you are not upset but unconsciously you are, you will cause your energy to be incongruent. This will create upsets and misunderstandings that are not being addressed on a conscious level.
There are basically two possible paths here. One is that we are so separated from our feelings and emotions that we truly don't have a clue as to the effects that our words have on others energetically. The other is that we are aware but pretend not to be. Both paths are very damaging and will lead your relationship down the road to destruction.
Benefits of Congruent Energy
The benefits of understanding the energy of our words and their impact are that we learn how to be more congruent with our communication and speak our true intentions. I call this "speaking our bottom-line" instead of all the incongruent stuff that's in our head based in fear. Bottom-line speaking is having the ability to speak directly from the emotion or feeling. In doing this, it's guaranteed that you will always be congruent in your communication. You won't have any incongruent communication or any problem of being misunderstood. When you are speaking your bottom-line, then you are addressing what is, consciously. So, if you're angry, be angry, know it, consciously own it, admit it and then communicate it appropriately. Don't try to patronize someone with incongruent energy. Our past shows that it doesn't work and it's time for a change. Are you ready to speak consciously and express everything congruently?
By becoming responsible for our energetic communication, our relationships can flourish and grow to higher levels. Remembering that the energy of our communication is more pervasive than the words that are spoken will allow us to see that what we feel in our communication has a greater effect on us than what we hear. And our reaction to it or how we integrate it is based on the feelings it creates within us and the beliefs we hold about ourselves.
Once you realize how important it is to understand what is going on inside of yourself, then you will have the ability to speak congruently with your energy. Integrating this new perspective will open the doors to new possibilities in communicating for you. You will have the power to consciously communicate exactly what you desire to be received. The keyword is "consciously." Because, if your communication energy is congruent with your words, then you will create whatever impact you desire. Yes, believe it or not, the desired outcomes of your words are going to be received in the way you want them to be received.
Conclusion: The Turning Point
We are starting to change and open up to the fact that everything around us including ourselves responds primarily to energy. Once we learn to implement the art of good communication skills and understand the energetics of communication, the incongruent energy will be eliminated and the bottom-line can be spoken directly. In order to achieve this, we need to understand what this energy is and how it affects all aspect of our lives. Then we need to understand our feelings and emotions and be connected to them. We also need to learn that we hear more by feeling with our emotional body than we do by listening with our ears.
Our body continuously sends us feedback signals in the form of feelings and it's important that we pay close attention to these feeling when we are communicating. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to understand that your words are energy and that you feel as well as hear what's being communicated. Unless you are connected with your feelings, you are not going to know or be aware of this. You're not going to know what you are delivering.
We must become more conscious of our listening and communicating habits than we have been in the past. Finally, we need to learn how to integrate this and speak our true feelings and intentions and speak from our bottom-lines.
Live aware and be a part of the solution instead of the problem. Put a stop to the guessing games in your relationships. Once this is achieved, YOU will have a lot less misunderstandings and incongruent communication in your life.
Let's start operating as though we are one and make this world a happier place to live. Are you willing?
Jim Kinney has a private practice that incorporates Energetic Refocusing & Balancing using Breathwork, Psycho-Neural Integration (PNI), Dreamwork, Relationship Coaching, Intuitive Guidance and/or Emotional Release and Healing. Also, Jim and his wife, Anne, offer a variety of experiential and life-changing courses and methods that open doors for new insights and new perspectives unleashing one's creative abilities with unlimited possibilities by removing all doubts and fears which can block one's life path. He can be reached by calling Expanding Visions at (949) 722-1962.
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