Keeping Love Alive
By Dr. Scott and Shannon Peck



Here is a big love question: What keeps love alive for you in your most important relationships?

If you get this right, you are in for a great love life — so let’s explore together how to keep love alive. Here’s what is at the top of our list. See how your own list compares.

Love stays alive when there is respect and appreciation.

These two wonderful qualities add greatly to our self esteem and dignity. When we are being respected, we feel worthy and valued. Have you told your loved partner or loved ones lately what you most appreciate about them? These are some of love’s biggest gifts to share, and especially during conflicts. Try expressing your appreciation for your love mate when the next conflict arises and notice how quickly the conflict leaves. Respect and appreciation may seem very basic, but they are the foundation of keeping love alive.

Love stays alive when kindness is dependable and consistent.

When there is dependable kindness in a relationship, it feels good to come home. When kindness is inconsistent, it can feel terrible to come home. We all have frustrations and times of anger, but love can only stay alive when we value our partner more than we value venting our feelings. One moment or day of strong anger can rip apart a relationship. Steady kindness, even under stress, keeps love alive. Of course you need to get your feelings out, but it can be done with kindness. This level of love wisdom takes each partner to a higher practice of genuine love, the kind of love that stays alive!

Love stays alive when there is a heart connection.

Love thrives when hearts are open. Love shrivels up when hearts are closed. For many, speaking from the heart is a love skill never learned. Perhaps their parents never shared feelings. Or perhaps they were hurt in a past
relationship. At some point, however, it becomes vital to learn how to share your feelings — and, again, with kindness, not anger. When two love mates share what is going on deep within their hearts, and do so with tenderness towards each other, the sparks of love re-ignite at an even deeper level. Love not only stays alive. Love grows!   

Love stays alive when both partners promote positive feelings with each other.

In love relationships, partners have immense influence on each other’s happiness. A positive attitude creates and strengthens feelings of well being and happiness. A negative attitude creates frustration, anxiety, and even depression. There are a zillion ways to promote positive feelings in love. Love mates can direct conversation to positive things, focus on solutions rather than problems, and share uplifting inspirations with each other. Hearts stay alive in a positive environment. Try praising your love mate today.

Love stays alive when there are shared activities.

People who fall in love and establish a relationship often have different interests. Love partners who keep love alive make the extra effort to look for mutual activities that perpetuate and bind their love. It can be as simple as going to movies together, having a regular date night, or taking walks together. The key word here is “together”. When “togetherness” starts slipping away, love becomes separate, distant, and cooler. Successful lovers look for, invent, and create shared activities. It’s no wonder their love is alive!

Love stays alive when there is joy.

Would you rather spend your time with someone who is sad, depressed, angry, and withdrawn or with someone full of joy and enthusiasm? That, of course, is a no brainer. After awhile, love partners often drift away from expressing joy with each other. Joy is a state of mind. It’s a decision we make and maintain as best we can — and often with a lot of effort. Of course we are all challenged in life, but we can make strong efforts to override stress and hard times, and even laugh together. Joy, even playfulness, uplifts spirits. Out of nowhere today, go into your playful or joy mode and share it with your love mate. Notice the results. Joy keeps love alive within your own heart and it is a powerful energy that keeps love alive in a relationship.

Love stays alive when partners honor each other’s highest purpose.

When two partners honor each other’s highest purpose for being alive — and explore that frequently, love takes a quantum leap. It takes an environment of genuine love — kindness, open feelings, and dependability — to feel relaxed and free enough to explore the bigger dimensions of our lives. What is the highest gift you have to give to the universe? How can I best support you? These become the questions between two partners forging love at the level of soul. This is love alive at the highest level of infinite possibilities!

Welcome to the heart of love.

© Copyright 2006 Scott & Shannon Peck

Dr. Scott Peck & Shannon Peck are Co-founders of TheLoveCenter, a non-profit educational organization dedicated to “Raising universal love awareness & Awakening a world of Love Masters”.This column is based on their new book, “Love Skills for Personal & Global Transformation: Secrets of a Love Master”, available at bookstores and and also at For more love, and information about our new School of Love, visit:, email: ,  or call 1 (858) 792-6018.

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