Your Words Can Change Worlds!
By Anne Monaghan Kinney
Ask yourself: Are your words supportive of who you are? Are they supportive of your mate and family members? How do you speak of others when they are not present? What do your words tell others about you?
According to John Payne, words are thoughts expressed and they carry the message of your intention with them. Words are either charged with the positive energy of love that helps you expand or they are charged with the energy of fear that causes you to shrink away from who you truly are.
In our household, we have made a pledge to replace words based in fear with words that build trust and love. Dis-empowering words like “I can’t...” or “I won’t” are replaced with “I choose not to...” Words like “I have to...” or “I need to...” are replaced with “I choose to...”
By doing this, we are reminding ourselves that we always have choices. We are not victims! We, in fact, create our own world with our thoughts, words and actions. Our choices are reflected back to us in the world we have created.
Choices made with limitations in mind, foster limitations, pain and lack. Choices made with full power in mind are solid choices and have positive ramifications that will be felt expansively. Solid choices are the result of deciding what we want to create, knowing that all things are possible.
Choosing what we want to create out of all that is possible rather than what appears possible, knowing that limited thinking creates limited choices and outcome.
Words like “But...” or “Because...” or “Well...” take us down a path of rationalization and justification. This creates a defensive energy within the speaker and, thus, the listener has a tough time hearing what words follow “but”, “because” or “well”! These dis-empowering words do not create a win-win situation for either the speaker or the listener.
When we use words that may even be said in jest like: “Oh, how stupid!” or “Dah!” or “Hello, anybody home?”, we are belittling others or ourselves. This does not feel loving and supportive!
Words can be used to hide our feelings and blame others. We can either choose to hurt back using words, or share our truth in “I statements”. I practice saying “ouch” when the words that have been spoken by another hurt. By using this simple retort of “ouch”, I am able to express my truth, come from vulnerability and responsibility for my own feelings instead of blame or justification (which would feel like “attack” to the receiver!). By eliminating the element of blame or justification, the discussion doesn’t escalate into a conflict. The energy is quickly diffused. Words like “I will try to...” or “I plan to...” or “I want to do...” or “I intend to...” can keep us “trying”, “planning”, “wanting”, or “intending” forever! We either “do” it or we “do not” do it. As Gene Oliver, the author of “Life and the Art of Change” says, “Trying” is just a noisy way of doing nothing!”
WE ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES!
Sometimes it is difficult to remember that we really do have choice in life — even when things feel like they are “happening to us”. Do we remove ourselves from situations that no longer serve us or do we stay cemented right where we are and justify it with a list of reasons why we have no choice (no matter what it is costing us to stay)? Honestly, if we can just look a situation from an unemotional vantagepoint, we ALWAYS have choices — even if it is with our attitude!
ANGER AND RESENTMENT
When we forget we have choices, we can be full of anger and resentment . . . and those who love us can be broadsided by the energy of our words. Communicating with an attitude of anger and resentment does NOT invite cooperation or support. The trick is to stop and remember that we DO have choices in every moment. And, sometimes if I have responded with anger because I have forgotten that I really do have choices in this moment, I quickly apologize and ask, “Can I try responding again?” Trust me, it feels much better to go down this other path! And, your partner will very much appreciate your vulnerability, honesty and commitment to the relationship and change.
Look around you . . . your life, your family, your relationships, your job . . . What choices have you made, consciously or unconsciously? (The refusal to choose is still a form of choice just as disbelief is a form of belief!) Our choices reflect what we really believe we deserve and our actions reinforce the beliefs that generate them.
The first step to creating change is awareness. Then, focus on what you want to create (If you keep your focus on what you don’t want to create, then you will just continue to create more of what you don’t want!) Just for today, see where you can make new choices in your life with your words and take new action. Create a new reality and positive outcome with your words and new intention. By changing one thought or word at a time, and then repeating this choice over and over again, you will create a positive new outcome. Even if you do it imperfectly, over time you will create a new habit. Just keep remembering that with every breath, you have choices — to make your life different!
SOME GREAT AFFIRMATIONS
Affirmations can be very useful for creating change. To maximize the integration of your affirmations, think about adding a “ZINGER” at the end of any affirmation you say or write, such as: “...and I feel it right now” or “...I see it right now” or “...I hear it right now” (depending on whether you are primarily a “see”, “hear” or “feel” person).
a. “Everything I do is more than good enough and I feel it right now.”
b. “I welcome and flow with changes in my life and I feel it right now.”
c. “I neutralize my judgments by seeing that my judgements don’t mean a thing.”
d. “I forgive myself and others for all wrongs in my past and take responsibility for my own life now.”
e. “I always make choices based in love and I feel it right now.”
f. “I now see the love in my fears and I act like it right now.”
g. “I know who I am when I love and accept myself unconditionally.”
h. “I always say and do the right thing at the right time and I act like it right now.”
i. “I love and appreciate myself as I grow in new ways and I feel it right now!”
j. “I am committed to creating win-win situations in all my relationships. I know that when one of us loses, we both lose and so does our relationship.”
k. “The more love I have for myself, the more love I receive and I see it right now.”
l. “My love is never ending and I feel it right now.”
m. “People who love me, support me in taking care of myself and I see it right now.”
n. “I am the most important person in my life and I act like it now.”
o. “I am an open channel for spiritual guidance and I receive it easily right now.”
Anne Monaghan Kinney is a relationship coach and communication specialist. She has been leading seminars for more than 10 years. With her husband Jim, they offer a variety of experiential and life-changing workshops where attendees gain new insights, new perspectives and the tools to create a more fulfilling, joy-filled life. They can be reached at (949) 722-1962 or via www.expandingvisions.com .
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