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This adaptation of a three-
step process taught by Arnold
Patent* serves as a reminder
of our power to attract events
and people we need, to feel the
emotions we have around a par-
ticular issue. The process takes
only a few moments, but it is
one that literally could save you
from getting endlessly caught
up in the drama of what is hap-
pening and going to Victimland
for an extended stay!
When something happens
and we get upset, it's extreme-
ly easy to forget everything we
ever knew about Radical For-
giveness. Until these princi-
ples become firmly anchored
in our minds, whenever our
upset creates a lot of emotion-
al turmoil, our tendency is to
always default to victim con-
The problem is, once there,
we tend to hang out there for
a long time. Without a Radical
Forgiveness viewpoint, you'll
probably stay there for years.
But if you know someone who
knows Radical Forgiveness and
recognizes your symptoms, he
or she will have you do a work-
sheet or listen to the 13 Steps CD
so you can return to peace.
Each time something hap-
pens, we default to becoming
a victim and go for an extend-
ed stay in Victimland. Then we
are reminded of how everything
might be perfect, so we use the
technology to express our will-
ingness to see the perfection
and eventually return to a state
of peace.
This could be a rough ride,
and it depends on your having
someone who will rescue you.
The way to stop the roller coast-
er is to use the four-step pro-
cess before you have to book
yourself a room in Victimland!
When we find ourselves using
this process naturally, as a mat-
ter of course, Radical Forgive-
ness has become our default
lifestyle -- one that is, for sure,
a whole lot easier!
So, as soon as you find your-
self getting upset over some-
thing, or even if you find yourself
making judgments, feeling self-
righteous, or wanting to change
something about a situation, use
this process to bring your con-
sciousness back into alignment
with the principles of
Radical Forgiveness.
step One: "look
what I created!"
This first step re-
minds us that we are
the creators of our
reality. However, we
create circumstances
for our own healing,
so do not assume
guilt for what hap-
pens. Being quick to
judge, we often use
this step as a way to
beat ourselves up. We say, "Look
what I have created. Oh, it's ter-
rible -- I must be a terrible per-
son, a spiritual failure." Please
do not fall into this trap, for if
you do, you buy into the illu-
step Two: "I notice my judg-
ments and love myself for hav-
ing them."
This step acknowledges, as
humans, we automatically at-
tach a whole string of judgments,
interpretations, questions, and
beliefs to situations. Our task
involves accepting the imper-
fection of our own humanity
and loving ourselves for hav-
ing these judgments, including
the one that says we must be a
spiritually moribund person for
creating this reality.
Our judgments are part of us,
so we must love them as we
love ourselves. Doing this con-
nects us with what is actually
happening in our body and mind
and brings us into the present
through our feelings. Our energy
then shifts quickly and allows
us to go to the third and fourth
steps of this process.
step Three: "I am willing to
see the perfection in the situ-
The "willingness" step is an
essential step in the Radical
Forgiveness process. It equates
to a prayerful surrendering in the
moment to the divine plan and
willingness to love ourselves for
not being able to see this plan
step Four: "I choose the pow-
er of peace."
The fourth step represents
a consequence of all previous
steps. By accepting that divine
purpose is served
in this situation and
what appears to be
occurring may be il-
lusory, we choose to
feel peace and use
the power of peace
in whatever actions
are required of us.
The power of peace
is found when we
are fully present in
the moment, acting
with clarity and fo-
cus to do what may
be required, and being com-
pletely aware of our feelings.
Practice the four-step process
as often as possible. Make it a
part of your awareness. It gives
you a way to be in the moment
throughout your day. To help you
make this process your practice,
it is a good idea to put these four
steps on a business-size card for
your purse or wallet, or a 3"x5"
card to keep on your fridge.
This article has been excerpted
with slight adaptations from Radi-
cal Forgiveness by Colin Tipping.
(Sounds True, January 2010)
*A.M. Patent, "You Can Have It All"
(New York: Simon & Schuster, 1995)
Colin Tipping is the creator of what
has come to be recognized as one of
the most powerful leading-edge tech-
nologies for personal and spiritual
growth today Radical Forgiveness.
Tipping taught at London Univer-
sity before immigrating to the U.S.
in 1984. With his wife JoAnn, he co-
founded the Georgia CancerHelp
Program and Together We Heal, Inc.,
and founded The Institute for Radi-
cal Forgiveness Therapy and Coach-
ing, Inc. In its self-published edition,
"Radical Forgiveness" sold more than
100,000 copies in the U.S. and be-
came an international bestseller.
Visit: www.radical
Four Steps to Forgiveness
By Colin Tipping
or by phone: 925-362-3083
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